The Plains of Abraham

Chapter 33

Malcolm declared it was time to go home. The situation had gotten out of hand. When we were alone in his cabin he performed an exaggerated curtsy and said, "That is, if you approve, my liege."

"Come on, Malcolm. You know I didn't ask for any of this."

"You married the girl."

"I love the girl."

"You knew you'd be king."

"I didn't know Berthold would die."

"Life consists of choices and consequences," he said. "Or so you and Jonah keep reminding me. Not all consequences are predictable, nevertheless you are responsible for them. So stop being a hypocrite and starting taking responsibility."

"Well, I'm happy to hear you've learned something in this place. Back home 'choices and consequences' would get you defrocked."

"We're going to find out." He was shuttling around the cabin, collecting and organizing. I realized he was packing.

"Right," I said. "Tell me more about this crazy idea of yours."

"We return to Kebek. Me as a kind of two-way ambassador. You as an envoy. You are, after all, King of Ellanoy."

"Oh, and they'll fall to their knees over that one."

"We'll put the two cultures in contact with each other. Kebek has much to learn from Ellanoy. Certainly Ellanoy can benefit from exposure to some traditional religion."

So that was it. Ever the missionary, Malcolm was bent on teaching scripture to the infidels and saving them from eternal damnation. Religionists ruled Kebek. Bounty Rock was a secular society. Any effort at homogenization was cultural assimilation in disguise. The natives learn about God. The missionary remains steadfast in his dogmatic beliefs.

It was necessary to test my theory. I asked, "How many missionaries do you think Bounty Rock needs?"

He reflected for a moment. "Oh, I'd say two or three would do, given the size of the population. Of course, there are other Ellanoy communities."

"Of course. How many Ellanoy missionaries will Kebek need?"

He looked at me quizzically. "Why would they need any at all?"

And there you have it, I thought. "They'll arrest us," I said.

"No they won't. Not after they've heard what I have to say. I'll convince the bishop. He'll listen."

"Malcolm, they'll burn us."

"Recall the Muslim contingent that visited from the Land of Flowers?"

"Yes, and I recall stoning them on the way out of town."

"They were welcomed like diplomats, that's the point. They were given latitude, the opportunity to explain themselves."

"We threw rocks at their heads!"

"God won't let me fail in this mission."

"Dammit, you keep changing the mission. You keep shifting the goal line."

"You have to trust me."

"I trust you. I'm not sure I trust your god."

He quit packing, stood to his full height, and put his face in mine.

"The situation has changed since we left Kebek, my young sovereign. We're now on a mission from God. These people know nothing of the Bible. It's our holy duty to teach the gospels to pagans and other miserable wretches. Even the Garhogs, if we get the opportunity. When the bishop learns of our mission he'll not only pardon any crimes we've allegedly committed, he'll give us keys to the city."