Everytime my best friend comes over I always know that for the couple hours she is here, I can forget everything. All the pain that overwhelms me, goes away. I don't know if I feel bad and that's why I don't tell her about my dad or if it's because I feel disgusted by myself, by him. Her life was a million times worse than my own could ever be, her mother passed away and she has this medical condition, that will never get better. She was not fully developed when her mother went into labor and when Andrea popped out, she didn't have the parts to live. The doctors, being as advanced as they are, went to surgery right away and she ended up with a colostomy and a catheter for when she needs to urinate. Nobody understands that. Most people if and when they find out, because they almost alway do, look at her like she is weird and disgusting, but you have to go deeper than that. Andrea is probably the nicest person I can imagine, she always puts others before herself. How do you do that when all people ever seem to want to do Is judge you? I give her ridiculous amounts of credit, I could never be as strong as her.
"What's up biotch, I'm here" Andreas playful voice comes the door of my bedroom.
"Who let you in" I asked laughing.
"You're mom, she said to let you know her and Lily are going to the store and they'll be back soon, she said text her if we're going anywhere"
"Oh you know we are going somewhere" I wiggled my eyebrows and laughed.
"Oh shit whose house are we going to"
"Catrina is home alone for the weekend and there are a bunch of boys, alcohol, and weed there"
"Hannah you're crazy, what if your mom finds out"
"Andrea, seriously she knows Catrina we can just sleep over and come home tomorrow at like noon" I say, I have this all planned out already.
"This is crazy...lets do it"
I laughed, Andrea always got so excited over the most simplistic things, her laugh rocked her whole body. She was short only 5'1 and with long chocolate brown hair that came down right to the middle of her back, and brown dots of freckles line her cheeks. Andrea was so pretty and She never gave herself enough credit for that, but when we are looking at ourselves we often have the habit of pointing out our flaws instead of our beauty.
"I'm going to shower, you start doing your hair" I said to Andrea, as I walked already halfway in my bathroom door. I close it as I hear a faint okay echo from her. My mom is at the store, which means I have around an hour to figure out if this party is a good idea, I love and respect my mother wholeheartedly, and I don't particularly want to lose her trust or her respect. Then the whole situation where my dad would obviously have to be involved because he is also my parent, and I don't know what he is going to do anymore. I haven't given myself a chance to think about that, a chance to think about the dreadful night where he decided rape was his only option. I am disgusted. I try not to think about it, to keep myself busy but I have this fear that is overcoming my soul and this catastrophic mind set where all I want to do is wake up and die. It hurts. My father hurt me in the most self esteem killing, disgusting way. He broke me, he broke me and I am never going to be returned to the place I was before. I keep telling myself it's worth it, it has to be, Lily needs to be okay. But I am scared. I'll never try and admit it but I'm scared, I'm scared to tell and scared to listen. I'm afraid of even saying something wrong in his house because you never know how fast he could blow, how much makeup I'll need to cover the bruise on my cheek or the finger marks around my neck. Domestic abuse is what the courts call it. But how could a town councilman be bad? The daughters just rebelling, just making it up. So I'll live my childhood biting my tongue and chewing at my fingers, constantly worrying about if I am going to wake up in the morning okay, because now I'm never okay..
"Are you almost done in there, I have to pee" 'Drea's voice echoes through the bathroom door, breaking me out of my dream like haze of thoughts.
"Yeah" I yell back "5 minutes."
"Okay" Her voice got louder, like she was in some sort of pain to not be able to pee, what a drama queen. I chuckle.
"Andrea" I yelled from the bathroom, i hear the pitter patter of her feet and the door open as she comes in the bathroom.
"Yeah?"
"Do u wanna go to this party, cause if not we can go chill with Jeff and Damien."
"What made you not want to go?" Andrea asks curiously.
"I respect my mother, and I don't want to disappoint her, plus parties always get raided"
"True lets go with Them, they're more fun anyway"
"Okay scooch woman I need to get out"
