4>>>
The school incident changed a lot of things inside me. I began to look at every one of my father's men with a look of disgust, including my father as well.
After Hoseok and Namjoon recovered they returned doing their jobs against my will because I no longer had reasons to bind them now. Losing all hopes i decided to go with the flow I began to withdraw To myself, even from Hoseok and Namjoon ... I do things for which I myself have no logic...
Staying next to the window staring at the nothingness for hours
Talking to myself in the mirror about how much i am frustrated
Skipping meals for no reason
Faking sleep when i am awake just to avoid talking to anyone
I can no longer bear to see except three or four men of my father ... including Harvard and Hanel.
at school too .. I remain sleepy and dizzy most of the time because I do not sleep at home... . I eat one meal a day, and sometimes one meal in two days, and that only if Hoseok and Namjoon are eating with me. Otherwise, I forget or do not feel like eating.
My feeling of fear increases every day.
[I will lose them at any time.]
[Those gangs might return to school and something worse than what happened might happen]
[... What if Taehyung fights with the gangsters again... What if he gets killed because of me]...
I was getting sick frequently because of these hallucinations in my head and I get very dizzy from time to time. But i never let Hoseok and Namjoon know about my dizziness at School . Only Harverd and Taehyung know
After Namjoon and Hoseok fully recovered , I expressed my desire to learn to use weapons and I talked to them.. they refused .. Namjoon was major in using weapons so I insisted on Namjoon to teach me how to use weapons.. but he refused vehemently:
Namjoon, please.. Maybe I can help you if I know.. I will protect you if..
Namjoon angrily cutting my words : We don't want you to protect us. Let us die if necessary, but I will not teach you...
Jerry: Well... Fine .. don't teach me, but I will learn on my own. There are those who are eager to teach me this "art"...
They did not pay that much attention to the matter... because I was their friendly little Jerry, but they did not know that I had changed... to be the worst version of me ...
I went to my father. I knew that he would be happy if I asked him to do so. So I said to him, with all the impudence I had, pointing to the gun in my hand:
How do you use this?
He broadly smiled and then He provided me with the best coach and I was trained perfectly until I mastered the use of different weapons in a short time...
When Namjoon and Hoseok knew that I had learned archery and shooting with the help of my father, they became angry with me, Hoseok scolded me for hours and scolded me severely. This was known and accepted by me, but what Namjoon did was unexpected and painful...
first He hit his hand out of anger on the mirror of my room and left my room without a word with me... ofcourse i didn't care about the mirror but his hand badly bled and he didn't even let me touch it.
From The next day, Namjoon stopped talking to me for a week... A week and Namjoon did not talk to me, play with me, or even eat with me. I felt desperate .. i tried talking and apologizing but he wasn't even looking at me or moving near my room ... Finally I went on a food and drink strike .. I know that was foolish and childish but i had no other choice ... it lasted for two days... I was not eating well anyways , and my abstinence from drinking water increased my weakness, and on top of that, the frustration I was experiencing..
