The Little Things

Chapter 1.

A Glimpse of Insanity

It's like hoping for rain while living in a desert. It's almost as if I am trying to revive a rotten dead coffin as if I have created a fire I can't even put out even if I tried. It's like climbing up a steep mountain to only fall down the cliff that lies on the other side. That's what it feels like to think of the past. You might even find yourself crying because you miss the people or a person who added so much happiness to your existence that they left a mark on your soul. It's scary, messed up, and sad because often, we push away those we love the most due to our inner turmoil, without even realizing it. The worst part is that once a mark is left on the soul, the damage is done, and in an instant, the people you love are gone, with little you can do to change it.

Despite the tears I cry most days and the feeling of missing them, I've learned never to place my happiness and troubles in someone else's hands. It's a tragic mistake. For we all are humans trying to be perfect, facing our inner battles, it would be ever so selfish to lay out our scars for someone else to bandage up. Some days I still cry and write about the heaviness of missing them And for the majority of those days I feel sick to my stomach because it seems as if everyone has moved on and I stayed there stuck between the dirt.

When I feel stuck, I remind myself that I am human, and it's completely normal to feel and think of those we've lost. Rather than shrugging it under the rug, I tell myself to feel the pain and deal with it. Maybe I'm harsh and deprive myself of feeling some days. but you can only contain so much. so feel. each and every feeling. the pain. the anxiety, the love, the sadness every single feeling and emotion you go through, feel them. sometimes writing about what I feel helps because it makes me less insane. I feel like it's normal and the ironic thing is, it completely is normal but some days I need a minute or two to remind myself that I am human not a robot and as humans we feel sad and we do hurt and we do mentally mourn a few losses in our life but what matters is not staying stuck in a loophole of what you could have been or what you could have done for you are here now.

Right now is beautiful, even in the midst of mess and distress. When I feel like everyone else has moved on and I'm still stuck in the past, I repeat these words to myself, because sometimes, I experience what I would call a glimpse of insanity.