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The cold air caressed my face, as I hid inside the comforter. I have craved for such a peaceful slumber for weeks. Almost got raped by my crazy cousin, chain by them, almost got married to my cousin, attacked my aunt, got chased by them, helped an Indian soldier escape police custody, intruded the cheif minister's house, got thrown into a dungeon, turned into a slave, failed escape attempt, and here I was on my way to meet my fiance. Wasn't he the one I had runaway for?
I sighed closing my eyes letting the sleep lull me, I missed my father. My father wasn't the perfect father but I had felt secure when he was alive. It's been so long since I visited his grave.
"You are bad luck!"
I tried to shake the thoughts away, remembering sitting in the corner of my room crying.
"Mumma mai nahi karsakti usse shaadi, meri toh mangni tey thi na... Murtasim Khan se", I would use Murtasim's name to escape all the weird marriage offers.
"Karlena Meerab, baap ki jaan bachale", I felt my gut twisting, how many times had I given up my own wishes, my honour for my parents? To be disappointed again and again. All those times I was reassured that nothing was permanent but it was... each time I helped my father out, I felt disgusted by my own self.
"Mai ye nahi karsakti", I became selfish for once. For once I chose herself over my father, over my family. The financial minister couldn't handle the rejection, so he retaliated, exposed my father's embezzlements and an enquiry was set forward. My father's rival took this opportunity to put his charge of treason on my father, of using the war resources and this was it. The list went on and no lawyer wanted to represent my father. He was executed and my mother committed suicide.
My sister stopped contacting me after that. She despised me for being selfish, Laiba had married her childhood sweetheart. And I was left all alone, I should have never rejected Zafar's proposal. I brought so much despair to my family. I ruined so many lives.
Why am I so selfish?
I have ruined so many lives for Murtasim Khan, I glanced at the shadow of the man from the curtains, what would happen if I exposed his plans to Murtasim Khan? He wanted me to assassinate my fiance. I couldn't.
I just wanted to meet him for once, Murtasim Khan was the only constant in my life all this year, before I died, I wanted to meet him just once.
What if he was a tyrant like Hunaid said? What if he killed me? How funny it would be to meet my parents in the after life without Murtasim Khan by my side...
I glanced at my nails that I had chewed till my skin was visible. I was nervous, the whole ride, and when I woke up I found him so close to me. It scared me, terrified me. I was at his mercy anyway, he could harm me.
