The Waiting Room|| Shivian

Chapter Two

 Author's Note-

Hello My Angels!

I hope you're having a beautiful day. I love you so so much :)

It was another night wasted away as she laid besides Roger, his arms holding her close into his body. She usually loved it when he was kind to her and would apologize by showing her affection, but this time it left her nauseated. So many thoughts were keeping her awake and she found herself holding her stomach.

Was she capable of loving a child? She had always dreamed of becoming a mother when she was little and shielding that child from all harm. But things changed as she grew up and was in the beds of many different men every night, just trying to scrape up money to earn her mother's approval. She decided she would never have a baby because she didn't want to risk becoming her own worst nightmare.

But here she laid in bed with a man who only loved her when he felt like it, carrying his baby. What would he do if he found out? Would he be excited for Siobhan? So many scenarios played out in her mind on how he might react.

The one she hoped for the most was surprising him with a shirt that had Reece, Autumn, and now their new baby's birth year on it. She'd wait for him to realize what it meant and his real smile would spread across his face and he'd immediately put the shirt on. Shouting about how excited he was to be a dad again, rather than putting the fear of God into her. He'd throw his arms around her and spin her around, confessing how much he truly loved her. That's all Siobhan wanted, truly, was for him to show her how much he loved her.

She sat up and ran her hand over his chest, finding a little bit of comfort in his heartbeat. She felt overwhelmed by her emotions, knowing that the dream would more than likely never come true. If the sight of pregnancy tests landed her in the hospital, would he deliberately try to kill their baby?

Should she give up on the idea completely and schedule a termination, never speaking a word of it to Roger? She had been afraid of him before but she had gotten used to that feeling, numbness took over her body usually. But this time it was different, she had another life to think about.

Someone was counting on her and she didn't want to let them down. She had been enough of a disappointment in all other aspects of her life, surely she couldn't screw this up too. For the first time, Siobhan believed in herself and that she would be good enough. She was going to do her best.

She would protect this baby with her life. She would hold the baby in her arms and snuggle them close to her chest, promising a lifetime of safety to them. But how could she fulfill that? She couldn't go a week without ending up at the doctors, with her body turning shades of greens and blues.

"Roger?" Siobhan whispered softly, leaning on her elbow and she nuzzled her nose against his cheek.

"What is it, Princess?" His voice was sharp, but at least he seemed to be in a good mood. He pulled her in for a kiss and smiled up at her, it made Siobhan's heart flutter.

Maybe it would work out.

"I love you." She sighed, continuing to trace lines on his chest, "Do you ever think about starting a family?"

"Siobhan."

She froze, feeling his grip on the back of her neck tighten a little bit.

"I have a family, Siobhan, you know that."

"I know... I'm sorry it was a stupid question."

Roger's hands slid down her body and rested on her stomach, pressing down and she wondered if he somehow knew. "Don't ever think you'll be good enough to have the "Knight" family name, let alone bring a child into the world with my blood."

She nodded, tears burning in her eyes as she tried to keep her composure. He was touching her baby and she wanted to slap the shit out of him, but she had to refrain.

"Yes sir, I know better."

"Now lay back down and close those eyes, my love, it's going to be a long day."

Time was slowly passing by Siobhan as she laid on Roger's chest, wondering what the hell she was going to do. She wanted this more than anything and she was going to have to find a way to keep it from him. She was dreading their day as she knew he was going to be rougher with her than normal, because she had made the stupid decision to ask.

God, get a grip, Siobhan. Couldn't have possibly believed that he was going to be happy? Idiot.

When she had finally found herself falling asleep, Roger woke her up by shoving her out of the bed. He grabbed her by the arm and led her to the bathroom, setting her onto the scale and tutting at her. He had a specific weight he wanted her to stay at and sometimes he'd make her chug water before bed and refuse her the chance to use the bathroom before her morning weigh-ins.

Any reason he could punish her and deny her love for the day, even if it was just barely a difference of 0.2 on that scale, she'd not be allowed to eat. Normally Siobhan didn't mind this, she felt like she wasn't deserving to eat at times when Roger didn't find her attractive, but now it wasn't just about her.

Her weight would slowly go up as the pregnancy went on, would he notice the signs?

How long did she have to find a way to leave him?

Did she want to leave him?

She had to leave him.

She loved him with everything in her, but even when she gave him all of herself, it was never enough.

She was never going to be good enough for Roger.

She had to know it was for the better. She was going to protect her Angel and never allow them to be hurt by a man's wrath the way she had been. She closed her eyes and ignored the cruel, cold words spilling out of Roger's mouth and thought about that sweet bundle of joy. She smiled, just the tiniest bit, as she thought of their life together and how much love she had to give.

Someone, her own child, would finally love her and never judge her.

She was strong enough, but she had to be smart about her actions when it came to leaving.

This would all be for the better, she was going to have a life that she was proud of.