Kiara's POV
Thunders were so loud that it was echoing within the four corners of the classroom. Appear as it may, it seems like my thoughts was still louder than any possible noise that I can hear.
I am a scholar student, currently a 4th year medical technology student. I was holding unto my folded examination paper. Everything was right, 'etong subject nalang, medyo tagilid kasi ako sa Clinical Chem.
'Lord bigyan mo lang ako ng 2 o kahit 2.25 masayang masaya na 'ko!'
My heart was beating so loud, sobrang kinakabahan ako sa resulta. I slowly opened my scantron, and then.....
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"tangina tres" mahinang bulong ko while I was looking at my final examination in Clinical Chemistry.
Hindi ko afford ang tres, I already calculated my grades for this course, and I needed to score at least 2.25 to pass this subject. This means...
Ano nalang gagawin ko? Hindi ko makukuha ang subject na 'to sa summer or next semester, iooffer lang nila ulit 'to next year second semester.
This cannot be, planado ko na lahat. Wala 'to sa plano ko.
It was so loud in the room, there were sighs of relief, there were joy from passing, and here I am, in silence. I looked around the room, and saw my close friends so happy with their grades, because they knew, they passed.
"shit shit shit!!!!! pasado!!!!!", my friend shenna shouted while hugging her scantron
My block mates were also congratulating her, I am not being bitter, I just wished, I did better too. Thinking to myself na kung kinaya nila, dapat kinaya ko rin.
"inom na agad sa pobla mamaya!!! tangina graduate na tayo!!!", sigaw ng president namin na si kevin. All my blockmates cheered with him
I didn't knew what to do, for a certain reason I just stood up and ran to the nearest comfort room.Blank headed I called my dad.
"hello pa..", may onting lambing pa sa boses ko. I really needed the comfort, someone to tell me that it's okay to fail. That it's part of life.
"Nak, tawag ako mamaya ha. Need ko kasi mag extra para mafull na natin ang tuition mo, para wala na aberya 'pag gumraduate ka", medyo hingal na sagot sa'kin ni papa
Then suddenly it sunk in.
Those people saying that it's okay to fail, are privileged. That in reality life can fuck you up in ways that will lead you to stop living.
People like me, can never afford to fail. Tulad ko na hindi naman talaga academically intelligent pero sinisipagan mag aral para sa sarili and sa pamilya. Tulad ko na last card na ng pamilya ko, niraraos nalang makapagtapos kahit sobrang hirap na.
"ano kasi pa...", medyo hesitant na sagot ko
"proud na proud kami sa'yo anak", sagot sa'kin ni papa
parang bigla naduwag na 'ko sabihin. Hindi ko masabi na 'yung achiever nila dati, ngayon sobrang drained na. That I can no longer strive sa college, na the passion inside me is slowly fading.
Na bumagsak ako at kailangan umulit para pumasa at makagraduate. Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako agad makakaulit next year.
"sige na anak, trabaho muna si papa", those were the last words that my father said before he ended the call
