Her Haven

Chapter 2: A

Tired - Beabadoobee

"You haven't felt right for days, is it the fact you never say, what comes to your mind that day? Maybe it's time to shut away, 'Cause I never really felt okay..."

---

I shouldn't be ditching school for the third time this week. But also, why should I torture myself further by putting myself through hell?

No, Adeline, everyone goes to school. You're being selfish.

I feel like the world's biggest loser, a hell of a drama queen, that's for sure. So damn sensitive.

My problems can't even compare to real-world problems. I have a brother (even if he's moving out forever in a few days), I have a home (two now, actually), I basically have a car (my brother's, but he's taking that with him to his new apartment), and I don't have to worry about money.

And I am thankful. But I am unhappy and I have

NO GODDAMN RIGHT TO BE.

Stupid, ungrateful, selfish Adeline.

I should just die. I can't, I don't even deserve suicide. I'm not sad enough. My problem's aren't big enough.

But

if the next few days are my last, I certainly don't want to spend it at school.

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I don't know how long I've been standing in the middle of the courtyard, backpack hung over my shoulder. God, I must look stupid.

I check my watch. 12:24. Lunch ends in 6 minutes, so I should hurry. I swiftly take off my jacket and shove it into my bag. It must be like 96 degrees or something. I just have to remember to put it back on when I get home.

The commotion behind me gets louder as I hear all of the students start to head towards class. Their laughter and conversations echo around me, a constant reminder that life goes on for everyone else while mine feels like it's falling apart.

I rush out the exit gates, the heat of the sun pressing down on me like a weight. Each step feels heavier than the last, my backpack dragging me down.

Breathe, Addie, breathe.

I tell myself to breathe while suffocating.