Five Years Ago | MILKCIIZE

Memories and Regrets P.1

Ciize (this chapter is a bit long, so I decided to divide it into two parts...)

The first stars were starting to appear. 

Light from the back door made a little patch of brightness in the darkening night. The leaves rustled softly in the breeze, and next-door neighbor, kuya Lito, was shouting out answers to quizzes on Family Feud from his chair.

Ciize sat on the porch steps with her daughter, Ciya, and had to pinch herself to make sure it was real. Milk had left Ciya with her and promised to come back in two hours. Now that Milk was almost here, she wished she had more time with her daughter. She even wondered if she'd ever make up for all the lost years.

While she listened to her daughter talk, she realized she was learning a lot about Ciya in a short time.

By the time dinner was over, she had learned a lot about her daughter. Isabel David was Ciya's best friend and owned a pair of red tap-dancing shoes that Ciya really wanted. She also found out that Milk's condo in Manila was big and nice, and the housekeeper, Julia, gave her daugther snacks after school. Tho a bit bothered Ciize tried not to think too much about someone else giving her daughter snacks.

Her daugther dreamed of being a race-car driver and a princess when she grew up, and she thought her mommy Milk was even more beautiful than the thai actress Milk Pansa, which Ciize couldn't help but agree with.

The little girl hadn't stopped talking since she arrived. She had eaten two slices of pizza that her aunt Cris picked up after taking off the ham and sausages. She loved dogs and had already made friends with Papa's big golden retriever, Bear, who hadn't left Ciya's lap for over an hour.

"Mommy Milk said that you love me."

"Oh, I do, Ciya," Ciize said as she gently ran her fingers through her daughter's thick pigtails. Her hair felt incredibly soft, like a gentle breath. "I always have."

"Even when you didn't know me?" Ciya asked, her small hands petting the big dog's head.

"I always knew you," Ciize replied, hoping her daughter would understand. "Even when we were apart, you were always in my heart."

"Really?" Ciya looked up at her with big brown eyes, and she noticed tears starting to shimmer in the soft light.

Oh God, please don't cry. Ciize thought to herself. She didn't want her daughter to be upset on their first outing together—was it even called a date? Could you have a playdate with your own kid? She tried to mentally shift her focus away from these thoughts.

"Yeah," Ciize said, feeling a mix of emotions that was both sharp and sweet in her chest. "Always."

Ciize knew she owed Milk a lot for this. Even though there were still many things left unsaid between them, Milk had made this moment much easier than it could have been. But she reminded herself that this wasn't a happy ending yet. There were still important conversations and decisions they needed to face.

Just because Milk let Ciize spend time with their daughter didn't mean she'd agree to share custody. Ciize wasn't ready to settle for less. She had already left her daughter five years ago, and she wasn't going to do it again.

"Do you love my mommy Milk, too?" Ciya asked suddenly.

She was taken by surprise and didn't know how to respond.

"Uhm..." She struggled to come up with a good answer.

Ciya continued, "You had me, and Isabel says only people in love can have babies."

Wow. Thanks, Isabel. How old was she, anyway? Ciize made a mental note to ask Milk about Isabel later. "Is that true?" she asked Ciya.

Ciya nodded and petted Bear's head, who looked really happy and almost seemed to purr. "Isabel says that babies come when mommies and daddies say 'I love you.'"