I like you. That I know.
I don't know how it started. At that time, I knew I had no affection or admiration toward anyone because of how I got hurt so bad in the past– which was pretty recent then. Suddenly, I just decided that I gotta have a happy crush to get through the day. So I did. I found a happy crush whom I enjoy teasing and staring at secretly.
I remembered my first few weeks in the office. I didn't know that much about you. I didn't even have a vague idea how your face looks until later in... October, I guess? Or maybe after our little talks about work in messenger. I wasn't joking when I said that you really did piss me off back then. I hated misunderstanding and changes on short notice. I was getting so mad but then you pulled off an apology and thanks. What am I supposed to do then? Of course my anger would die down. You didn't even let me get mad for a little while longer.
I remembered when I started teasing you with your best friend at work– who is also a guy. I don't know why I did that. Maybe I just want to be close to you guys... and maybe remove the impression that I'm mean or something. But hey, it worked! We just got more comfortable from then on. I admit, I get flustered sometimes. Especially when I guessed how many kids we'll have and what their genders might be. I remembered my heart skipped a beat when we matched. The baby boys. I knew it was gonna get directed to us and I might risk blowing my cover so I brushed it off immediately. I avoided the topic as soon as it emerged. I hope I wasn't too obvious.
I remembered when we had our Company Christmas Party and Team Building. In the raffle, I got a pair of shoes that fit your size. I joked that if only I had a boyfriend, I would have given it to me. Oh, the self control I had to keep so as not to blush when your friend told me that you're willing to court me for the shoes. A part of me actually hoped for it to be true– even without the shoes. But I was not about to get delulu about that. I knew it was just a joke. At least I got to take pictures of you the day after that. Early in the morning, you knocked on our door so we could take pictures on the beach. I was glad to be a photographer for you that day. Too bad I didn't use my phone. Only, I was sad that you never used the pictures that I took you. Was it bad? I thought you looked nice in those photos though.
I remembered the day before our Christmas break. I was stressed because of the payroll while you were chilling, taking videos in the office. I was glad to be in one of the frames. But I wasn't looking pretty there! I was frowning. Now that I think of it, how could you think it's pretty? Like, how? Anyway... I had to go home ahead of you guys because I have to travel that same day. I was hoping you would look at me and bid farewell... since it's going to be a while before we see each other again. But you were busy, and I was on a rush. It's sad.
I remembered secretly taking a peek at you when you were seated in front of me... or when you're seated on the other side of the office, with your face dangerously close to the computer screen. Dang, I really find you cute. I was content with just looking at you from afar, talking only on messenger. Imagine the sadness I felt when I realized you had to go somewhere far because of a huge project. They said you were gonna be gone for three months or so. I started counting and I realized it would be around the time I'd leave to study for the board exam. We might not reach each other by then.
Days before your departure, we just stopped chatting. I don't know, maybe we both have other things to do. I mean, I was just a workmate then, wasn't I? You're just my happy crush. The sadness I felt instantly disappeared when you chatted that night. You bid me farewell. I thought that was enough for me. But no. I just started missing your presence.
But hey, at least our talks became more frequent. They even became longer and more comfortable. We even shared the same fascination about the moon and stars. I remembered when you came back to the office to get something you forgot. But we couldn't find it so we had to walk together after that. You asked where I live, and I said, the moon as a joke. I didn't think much about it then until you made it as a reference in our conversation weeks after that. Then you proceeded to tell me that just like the moon, you can only admire someone from afar. My stomach clenched. The thought that you already like someone else... hurt. But why would you send me pictures of the sky above you at night? We're under the same night sky but at the same time, we're not. I was starting to imagine that maybe... just maybe, the feeling is mutual...? But I knew better than to hold my breath.
I remembered how I counted the days of your coming back. I got a hold of your ticket home– March 8. I was also supposed to leave on that day. We can't meet anymore. I was sad. But I was thankful that my replacement couldn't start right away so I had to delay my departure to teach her more about the work I was going to leave her. I was extended for a week. A week to see you last.
I remembered my excitement when I finally saw you in the office after about three months of being away. I was so glad and was looking forward to your treat. You promised me we'd eat kwek-kwek right? Unfortunately, they don't sell that anymore. Instead, you offered to treat me to chaolong. You already knew what happened then. It's like we were in our own bubble, laughing about something only we understand. That day, I told my friend that I have a crush on you. Finally, there was someone else who knew except me. It suddenly felt... real.
