All the years I have thought about you. Dreamt about you. longed for you again. Teased myself with what we were, or could have been. All those years we spent together. All those memories that I have of us and can only share with myself. Our past is so bright to me but when I delve into it, it is ruined by a blurry clouded picture of me and you apart. sadly, thats how it is now. I meant so much to you. I was everything to you, but the strange thing is, you have never actually met me. Sounds funny doesn't it? Well of course, you would have no clue as to what I am actually talking about. Why would you? I mean, you don't even know who I am. Hey, you wouldn't even recognise me even if I kissed you, just like I used to kiss you back home. I would just taste your sweet cherry lip balm and it would send me into a crazy, dreamy haze of rainbows and cheesy romantic sunsets where everyone is content and happy in their little perfect lives. The very same haze which has now turned grey and hopeless, because of course it couldn't be that simple for us. If I did happen to just walk up to you randomly in the middle of the street and lay my lips softly upon yours like I know you would want me to do, you'd yell "pervert" and run off. Just knowing that breaks my heart and I couldnt bare that to happen, so for now im just going to stay well away. As you are reading this you are sure to be confused and I dare say that confusion would be mixed with apathy, but I just want you to know who I am.
I am your very first love. I am the school boy you spent every day of your childhood with. I am the teenager you grew up with and went to college with. I am the young adult you went to university with. I am the young man you passionately gave your body to for the very first time. I am the man you married and had a baby boy with ,who, dejectedly, you also do not know. I am your whole past and unfornately can no longer be part of your future which I was so destined to be part of. I am the last person you remembered and sadly the first person you forgot. I am the one who knows you the most, but you know the least. I am your life, or what was your life.
so when you walk down the road and I give you a hopeful stare, do not be afraid, it is just me looking deep into your soul to check if there is any part of me still in there. for I am, to you, just the lover who rode you to the hospital after the terrible car crash. I am, to you, just the kind human being who walked alongside your strecther as it glided into A&E. I am, to you, just the man who was standing next to your hsopital bed holding your hand as you opened your eyes for the first time in two days. I am, sadly just to you, the stranger who was still standing there when you recieved the news of your memory loss conidtion....
