Hogwarts Mystery [HP APPLY FIC]

year two, chapter five

"IT'S CHRISTMAS BITCHES!" Evan called out, making Zoë and Achilles laugh loudly and Maddie shush him.

"Careful, Edward will hear you!"

"I'm sure he can handle a swear word," Evan countered.

"He's six!"

"You've been spending way too much time with Caleb," Zoë pointed out. "Screaming 'it's Christmas bitches' at the top of your lungs and justifying it with the phrase 'he can handle it'? Are you a literal clone of him?"

"Zoë Daphne!" Their father scolded, choosing that moment to enter the room. "You are not to swear in front of your younger brother. Is that clear?"

"But— Evan—"

"Come on, Dad, you've got to give Evan a hard time for swearing too," Achilles pitched in. "After all, he doesn't even live here, yet he's in our house on Christmas Day. Does he even have a family?"

"Achilles," George Spalding reprimanded half-heartedly. "Evan's father is away on urgent business. You know this."

"Our mother must be away on urgent business too," he muttered, high-fiving Zoë on instinct.

"Your mother is..." their father trailed off. "She'll join us for lunch."

"No she won't," Achilles sing-songed.

"That is enough! Go open your cards before I change my mind and cancel Christmas altogether for that cheek."

The triplets, their little brother and Evan rushed to the fireplace to collect their assortment of cards that had come through in the post over the past few days.

"This one's from Caleb!" Evan grinned, showing Zoë.

"God, his handwriting's shit."

"Zoë Daphne, please!"

She winced. "Sorry, Dad. Edward."

Edward smiled at her. "It's okay. I love you, Mads!"

Achilles didn't even try to hide his laughter. "He thinks you're Maddie! That's hilarious, because he only loves Madd— ouch!"

Zoë threw a pillow at Achilles to cut him off.

"Dad," Edward began. "How did Father Christmas leave me all of these presents?"

Father Christmas, also known as Maddie Spalding, answered smoothly. "He came down the chimney, Eddie."

"Down the chimney?" Edward frowned. "Why? Does he live up there?"

"No!" Their father laughed good-naturedly. "Imagine if he had a little room above our chimney that he lived in. How bizarre would that be?"

"Yes," Zoë said slowly. "A room above the chimney. How bizarre indeed."

She kicked Evan lightly to get his attention.

"Oh, yeah, I agree!" He pitched in, missing the point. "It would be so hot up there. And impractical to install."

"Would it." Zoë gritted her teeth.

"Yeah, it would only work at somewhere like Hogwarts, if— ohhhh. Ohhhh! Oh!"

"Oh." Zoë rolled her eyes. "F— I mean, uh, finally."

"You think the vault—?"

"It's the best answer we've come up with so far, isn't it?"

Evan shrugged, ripping open another envelope.

"Who's been sending cards, Ach?" Zoë leaned over her brother's shoulder, trying to read the writing as he shoved her off. "Ow!"