A Dead Plate Is Still A Meal For Someone

Self Destructive Tendencies

Rody stood outside the door to his apartment, continuously being battered by the relentless downpour of rain. His right hand hovered above the doorknob, keys clutched nervously in his white-knuckled fist. He knew he should go inside—he needed to go inside, to change his clothes, to get out of this rain, to break the news to Manon. In fact, he desperately wanted to go inside. He’d like nothing more than to curl up on the couch and go to sleep. Maybe he’d get lucky, and he’d never wake up. Never again would he have to worry about work, school, or relationships. What a nice dream to have.
The only problem was that last bit, the part about breaking the news to Manon. His overwhelming want to go inside was being severely contradicted by his overwhelming fear of having to tell Manon that he had been fired again. Despite the rain, despite the cold, Rody would honestly rather stand out here forever than have to face her. It’s not that he was scared, necessarily. He just wasn’t sure if he had it in him to see her disappointment in him, again. That face hurt him more than anything she could ever say or do to him.
Taking a deep breath, Rody steeled his resolve, shoving the key into the lock before he had any chance to change his mind. He couldn’t run forever. At some point he’d need to face the music, better to get things over with now and move on. He pushed the door open, a loud creak cutting through the silence of the apartment. Manon looked up at him from where she was reading a book on the couch.
“Heyyyy, Manon! I’m back!” Rody put on a shaky smile, not even bothering to try and wipe his shoes on the soaked doormat before coming inside. He ran a hand through the hair clinging to his scalp, a nervous tic disguised as an attempt to get the wet hair off his forehead.
Manon closed the book she was reading and set it down on her lap, glancing at the puddle being left on the floor where Rody was standing. “You’re back later than usual,” she muttered quietly, her gaze still fixed on the floor.
“Yeah, well, you know how it goes, with the rain, and all that.” Rody’s words were disjointed and awkward, trying desperately to ignore the churning in his stomach. Maybe he just wouldn’t tell her. He could just keep quiet about it until he found a new job… Oh who was he kidding? He couldn’t lie to her like that.
Manon finally looked back up at Rody, putting on her own tired smile. “So, how was work?” As she asked, she shifted over on the couch, making plenty of room for Rody to sit next to her.
Rody bit the inside of his lip, pushing the door closed behind him and walking over to take the seat being offered to him. With one final preparatory breath in, he forced himself to admit the truth; “I, uh, I lost the job.”
The tension in the air was so thick, it was nearly palpable. Rody didn’t think he’d have the strength to cut it with a knife even if he tried. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, his eyes darting around to look at literally anything else. He wasn’t even facing her direction, instead opting to sit completely forward as if he were doing something as simple as watching the TV.
Manon stared at Rody, her brows furrowing. She lifted her gaze to the ceiling, and let out a long, exasperated sigh. “Again, Rody?” Those words stung Rody more painfully than even the deadliest of wasps. She sounded so tired. Tired of all of this. Tired of him. “What happened?”
Rody’s gaze sunk to his hands clasped in his lap. “Just didn’t work out, I guess,” he mumbled. Why couldn’t he just curl into a ball and disappear?
“It just didn't work out?” Rody flinched. “What do you mean it just didn’t work out? This is the fifth job you’ve had this year!” Manon rarely sounded so upset. It only made Rody’s nerves worse. Maybe he really should’ve tried to lie about it. “You can’t keep doing this.”
“It’s not like I’m trying to get fired! This manager was a real ass, he was constantly getting on my case—” Rody turned to her, starting to defend himself, but Manon cut him off, standing up briskly.
“I don’t want to hear it, Rody! I’m tired of the constant excuses. I’m so tired. I can’t handle this anymore.” That sentence sent Rody into a panic, and he quickly stood up as well.
“I’m really sorry Manon, I am. I’ll do better.” The words tumbled out of him, as if on instinct. He’d say anything, do anything, to make this right with her. He needed to make this right with her.
“You’re not listening to me, Rody.” Manon turned away for a moment in exasperation.
“I’m already planning on going job hunting tomorrow-” A constant stream of consciousness flowed from Rody’s mouth. If he kept talking, maybe he could drown out the things he didn’t want to hear her say.
“Rody, please.” Manon looked back at him, exhaustion and overwhelm clear on her face. But Rody just kept talking over her.
“-and then maybe we can go and get a nice dinner, or—”
SMACK!
The room went silent as Rody’s head jerked to the side. He slowly brought a hand up to his cheek, which was hot with pain. He looked over at Manon, who’s eyes were brimming with tears. “Just, stop it already,” she pleaded, her voice quivering.
“Manon…” Rody took a step forward, his arms reaching out to comfort her. She pushed them away, taking a step back to counter his advance. Rody didn’t force her to accept his embrace, and instead just stood there, his hands curling back in on themselves at her denial. He let his arms drift back to his sides.
“I can’t. I can’t keep doing this with you.” Manon sniffled, letting out a shaky breath, her head downturned. “Even now, after I just slapped you, you’re still more concerned about me than you are about yourself.” She looked back up at him, a couple tears sitting on her cheeks. Rody’s eyes tracked the trajectory of one tear as it traced the shape of her face. He watched as it reached her chin and lingered there for a moment, before gaining the courage to fall to the floor. “Do you know how exhausting it is to be with a guy who doesn’t seem to care about himself at all?”
“What?” Rody’s eyes snapped back up, abandoning the tear on the floor. He met her eyes, looking into their shiny, deep brown depths. He thought they were the most beautiful eyes in the world, even when they were obstructed by tears.
“I can't keep watching you ruin any semblance of progress you make with yourself while trying to make me happy.” Manon looked so upset, it honestly broke his heart. Tears now littered her face. “You’re killing yourself over me. Even after you’ve just been fired, you’re still trying to take me out to some restaurant you can’t afford.”
“Things will work out, really Manon, you’ll see, I just—” Rody desperately grasped at anything he could say to convince her. He could feel the conversation moving in a direction he didn’t like. Was she breaking up with him?
“I know you mean well, and I do love you still. I really do,” Manon took a sharp breath in, her expression hardening like a wall being put up between them, “But until you can learn to care about yourself, this will only do harm for the both of us.” Rody stood, eyes wide, staring at Manon in horror. “I’m sorry, Rody.”