Metanoia

1

"I'm gonna be the best striker in whole wide world!"

You still remember it when Isagi Yoichi said that to you.

It was the summer of the early 2000s.

The summer sweat trickled down your skins, dripping down like little drops of rain rolling down the tiled roofs of the azumaya you always hid under during the spring rain. Even the scent of the freshly cut grass of the playground, the blistering heat of the sun and the cool summer breeze... it was all engraved into the grooves of your brain, forever etched into your memory.

You and Yoichi–6 years old–were still so young, still so naive.

Life, itself, was far too colorful back then.

And you still remember it all too well. Even the smallest of details about Yoichi are too vivid in your memories to be played off as a memory decades ago. It feels more like a memory of yesterday.

The way he curled his lips into a boyish grin as he kicked the soccer ball towards the goal, a childish glint shining in his bright blue eyes. The way his nose scrunched up and his grin fell when the ball—instead of hitting the net—slammed against the metal frame of the soccer goal. Even the way he dramatically threw himself on the ground, holding back his tears of frustration at his failure, while still trying not to cry in front of you, his bestest friend in the whole wide world–you remembered every bit of it.

But... even though you remembered all this, you couldn't remember what exactly you had said to him back then. You don't remember what you must have spewed out for him to grow such a bright, cheerful grin on his face so carelessly. Beaming at you with such radiance, like the sun shined for the moon.

You don't remember what exactly it was. But you'd like to know.

Was your younger self a little kinder to Yoichi than you were in your teenage years?

Then again, even if you weren't, Yoichi would have never dared utter a word in complaint. Because that's just how he had always been towards you, so gentle and forgiving–willing to ignore any and all of your mean quips and focusing solely on making you happy.

That's just how Yoichi always was–gentle and sweet. He was kind, even when all you did was scowl at him and nag for failing to score a certain goal. He was kind, even when you yelled at him for foolishly interrupting you when you were busy talking to your classmates.

He was just happy, so long as he could bask in your presence, even if it meant being subjected to your harsh glares and mean jabs.

And that's exactly how you remembered him. In your teenage years, when you were far too high on your hormones to care about his feelings, you always pushed him past his limits.

In your defense, you only wanted to see him succeed in the football that he held so close to his heart.

After all, even if you never admitted it out loud, you just wanted to see him happy, to see him achieve his dreams. You were always someone who never had any dreams or ambitions of your own. Just floating around, going wherever the wind would take you.

So when you came across someone like him, someone who had his entire life planned ahead of him, you couldn't help but follow that beacon of light that was Isagi Yoichi.

But maybe, just maybe... You had found your own dream along the way, and ultimately forgot why you had even started this journey in the first place.

While you continued to more forward after you found your path, you didn't dare look back. You didn't look back to see if Yoichi was there with you, you were far too drunk in your own achievements.