Echoes of Fear. {REWRITING}

Chapter Four

Unbearable tension thickly permeated the autumn air as Kai and Ren stood there, taking in each other's presences for an agonising few seconds.  It was as if time had stopped, and Kai felt his breath catch in his throat.

Ren was standing there before him, looking barely changed from the last time he saw him aside from the red part of his fringe which had now faded to a light ginger colour, which made him look older, more mature.

All things considered, it was an attractive look for him, though Kai didn't allow himself to verbalise that thought, didn't allow his eyes to linger too long.  He was afraid of the weakness in his bones it might beget, the urge to rush forward and fall into the other man's embrace.

Ren finally, thankfully broke the uncomfortable silence, "You look good.  How long's it been anyw—"

"Eight months." Kai hated how quiet his voice went, and how his eyes darted around almost shamefully, "It's been eight months."

Ren bit on his lower lip, obviously picking up on the shortness in his tone which was unintended but bled through regardless, "Well, how've you been?  Feels like I've not seen you in ages, though Haru, they said your sister, well, they don't really hang out anymore."

Kai held back his wince at the acknowledgment of his sister's decision to break off with Haru, not wanting to admit it was because of him, "I've been away. Took a trip back to Thailand to clear my head, get away from Detroit for a bit."

It was a complete and utter lie, but better than admitting he was in a psych ward for the greater part of a year.  The last thing he needed was Ren of all people worrying about him too.  He couldn't let him know how terribly he had coped with everything.

"But you're back now?" Ren asked, clearly still gauging his choice of words as if somewhat suspicious, "I'm glad about that."

Even though he hated himself for it, Kai couldn't help the small twitch of a smile as he finally looked up, "What about you— have you— are you okay?"

He absolutely loathed the pathetic waver in his voice – the insecurity, the shyness, especially when it was Ren, Ren who he used to kiss and be intimate with, Ren who he once loved.

Who he still–

It all felt like an age ago, but in the same breadth, like muscle memory, he could feel Ren's lips on his, their hands linking and he could hear that silky smooth voice leaning close to his ear and whispering he loved him.

"I finally graduated." That voice now answered, and the small talk felt alien between them, "Got a job working as a medical assistant at Henry Ford Hospital.  It's great, actually.  Pay is alright, enough to keep me and Haru going, at least.  I get paid vacation, good hours.  I mean, it's functional and I'm working to become a real doctor."

Kai returned, "That's cool." it came out flatter and more casual than intended and he had to refrain from cringing, "I mean, it's what you've always wanted, right?  And at least you don't have to drive an hour each way."

"You mean, depending on the traffic." Ren snarked, and Kai felt a laugh bubble up in his chest despite the dumbness of the comment. There was a brief moment of quiet before Ren asked, "And what are you doing now you're back here in good old Motor City?"

He stepped a little closer, and Kai's breath trembled as the nerves once more started to overtake him, "I— I, uh— well, I finally wrote a book, and it's published, o— or, going to be, in the next few weeks, that is."

"A book, huh?" Ren grew closer once more, "You always were clever with that kind of thing.  Let me guess, horror?"

His question made Kai regret telling him if only for the curiosity in it — he didn't want to consider Ren reading it, the very thought sent a cold shiver down his spine and made him start to sweat.  He would hate him for it, would never talk to him again and think him a freak like everyone else.