I remember the first time I had seen her, the first time all those cringey descriptions of butterflies, electricity, flowers, blushes and bells-- Suddenly were all true.
Nikita was pretty, I had only realised then. It was only then that I had actually looked at someone so precisely, so observingly. From her smooth hair that she only styled in two ways, either in its free-form or with that yellow butterfly clip. Her skin that looked so soft to touch and I had already rooted the seed of desire in my head to feel it on my fingertips. Her lips, straight with that fleeting smile that came onto them once in every moment. Her hands looked--No, I knew right then and there, those were the only hands I wanted to touch and hold.
I had loved Nikita since the very first day.
Glancing at her direction every now and then when I was surrounded by my friends, noticing her every subtle moment, every smile and friendliness, that she'd show to all but me. Perhaps I was the problem, I really must have been, since every time our eyes locked, she'd give me a smile, not the fleeting, ghost one. A genuine, deep smile, which made her eyes crease and my heart jump. And I must be delusional to think I noticed, well, felt, her eyes on me, when she thought I didn't notice.
Something was there, as my delusional self thought, there must be. Those glances, those smiles, a subtle reason to initiate a conversation, the once-in-a while compliments, the small talks when others didn't look our way. They must have meant something. So this tender fuzz in my heart, the blooming lilacs, is perhaps all worth.
"She keeps looking at you," A friend had remarked to her as I stood near the door of the classroom before the next period started, "I find it weird."
Why? She looks at me too. And so do you. Is it a crime to look?
"She seriously gives off weird, that kind of vibe. Doesn't it make you feel weird and gross?" That kind? Is me liking someone such a bad thing that my romantic interest needs to be labelled as 'that kind'?
"I know and I do," I heard her voice. And I should've killed myself right then and there, for hoping, for believing, when that sweet girl uttered from her lips, "But it's honestly funny so," And everyone laughed.
And I remember it so distinctly, the heartbreak, the tears and betrayal. The shaking of my fingers and the cold rush to my spine. I remember it so clearly. The rejection that I didn't hear, but felt and understood so clearly.
So the next day I stopped, the fuzz in my heart died but the lilacs never did. My eyes stopped finding hers and it was only then that I realised, that hers' never found mine until I did first.
-ThatThugRus
00.31 AM.
22 Aug.2024
YOU ARE READING
Another Heart
Romanceone sided crush to one sided love, all at once (Really short and my random thoughts but publishing this is part of self growth so bear with it please🥲🙏)
