Supernatural: The Infernal Book

Running From the Monster

The aftermath of passion was a warm and comforting embrace from Dean and the receding heat of the frantic thrusting that had propelled them to bliss. Ryder marveled at the sensation of being in Dean's arms, consumed by his hungry eyes as they blanketed him, seemingly penetrating his skin and finding his soul itself.

"You've been lonely for a long time," Dean pointed out in the darkness. Light shine through the mini-blinds, casting a pattern of shadow and light across his handsome face.

Ryder frowned, an effort to downplay the truth that Dean could see as if he'd just confessed it himself. And he supposed he must have. It was on the way he clung to Dean, the way he sought out every kiss, touch and thrust of his body. "I get along fine," he finally said.

"I'm sure you do. I'm not trying to offend you." Dean rose up on his elbow and gently traced the line of Ryder's jaw with his index finger. "I can just tell how starved you are for affection."

Ryder sat up a little. "Are you trying to say I'm desperate?"

Dean chuckled. "You're so defensive. There's no need to be. There's nothing wrong with being hungry for affection, kiddo. I like it."

"I guess I've been too busy running to really seek out affection," Ryder confessed. When Dean tilted his head, wordlessly asking what Ryder was running from, he smiled softly and shrugged. "If I say 'everything' would that be too vague?"

"It's vague and it isn't, all at the same time," Dean whispered.

"I guess I'm just trying not to get swallowed by the monster," Ryder sighed, chuckling lightly.

"What monster?" Dean asked, vigilance in his voice.

Ryder let out a light chuckle. "Not a literal monster." He scooted closer to Dean and let the larger man embrace him tighter against his chest. "Ever since mom left it's been like this monster has been barreling after me. And of if I stop for even a minute, it's going to take me. I kept moving after she left. I focused on learning from my dad, aunt and uncle. I saw how strong dad was after mom left. How...at peace he was with it. I wanted that kind of strength. So I focused on being a hunter. I thought it would propel me away from grief. Keep the monster at bay."

Dean kissed Ryder's bare shoulder, soft and lingering. "Did it work?"

"I thought it did. But after dad and Aunt Eleanor died it all just sort of fell apart. In my youthful naivety I thought they were all invincible. But...two of my heroes died. All in one night. Uncle Julian is still around. But things changed. I still studied hunting but it was like I was going through the motions. The passion was gone. I still had Julian and Clarice. And Miles. But then Miles slept with my boyfriend. And I just felt like I'd lost my foundation."

Dean's eyes widened. "Wow. That's...I'm sorry."

Ryder waved a hand. "I wasn't heartbroken about the guy. It was the fact that Miles would do that. That's what hurt. So...I felt the jaws closing in on me and decided to leave home and find a new path. Something that would take me far away from it all. Miles and I are just now picking up the pieces. But before it all happened we were pretty similar to you and Sam."

"Think you'll get back into hunting again?" Dean asked.

"I'm...I'm conflicted about that. Part of me wants to keep the distance. But...I don't know. I'm conflicted."

"Well, there's no rush to figure it all out tonight. Just need to focus on this book bullshit," Dean said as he ruffled Ryder's hair.

"What about you?" Ryder asked. "What's your story?"

Dean smiled and shook his head. "My story? Is that...I think I need to fuck you again."

"That's it?" Ryder asked in a teasing tone. "That's your whole story?"

"Yup," Dean replied as he rolled on top of Ryder and slowly worked his hips, grinding his already hardened dick against him. "My entire story is that I want back inside you." He kissed Ryder's cheek and smiled, his expression softening. "Tonight is all about you, kiddo. I'm here to comfort you and give you what you've been needing. Tomorrow night we can talk about me. Deal?"

Touched by the thoughtfulness, Ryder captured Dean's face in his hands. "Share one thing with me first," he said.

Dean chewed on his bottom lip, considering. "I never considered any other path in life but being a hunter," Dean confessed. "I'm dad's little soldier all grown up."

There was a sadness in the way Dean spoke. A haunted look on his face. Ryder caressed him. "Never? You never had...any dreams outside of this life?"

Dean's mirth returned and he kissed Ryder passionately. "Hush," he whispered, lips ghosting across Ryder's throat. "No more talking tonight. Just let me make love to you."

Dean's choice of words struck Ryder like a lightning bolt. Rather than question the sincerity of them, he chose to retreat into the safety of Dean's arms, the comfort of his affection.

He's a lover boy, Ryder thought as he took Dean into himself again. You don't actually mean anything to him.

But there was something in the way Dean took him now. Something in the way he inquired about his feelings. If it was just sex to Dean, would he behave this way?

Be careful, Ryder told himself. This guy is only going to break your heart if you let him.