Lexa stares at herself in her full length mirror. She's clad in a black sport bra and boxer briefs. Her fingers curl slowly towards her palms until her nails dig painfully into her flesh. Sometimes seeing her own reflection makes her angry. It's not that she hates her body per se, though she can't say she loves it either. Every time she looks in the mirror she's reminded of why Costia wasn't into her.
Most people are probably spending time with loved ones now, curled up on the couch watching a movie or out somewhere to have fun. She's not most people. Her weekends are spent alone with a familiar routine she has built up. She usually jogs in the morning at dawn, but whenever her thoughts are too loud she jogs at night as well.
Maybe it's ridiculous that she's planning to jog when it's past midnight, especially when she's likely to get up at five in the morning to jog again. Her body may be sore, though she hardly cares about that. Jogging is good to keep her in shape and it can help to clear her mind. The nightly air is cooler and can be pleasant.
She slowly uncurls her fingers, staring at her angry red palms which have her nails printed in them. As she takes a few deep breaths, the tension in her shoulders eases the slightest bit. She grabs her black sweatpants and slips them on, relieved that through them it can't be spotted that she's different.
Throughout her life hardly a handful of people have been told that she was born intersex, which is not something she should be ashamed of. After the way Costia discredited her she prefers to keep her secret hidden even more than before.
She grabs a shirt that's far too big because she practically swims in it and it reaches down to her thighs. The way she sees it this type of clothing is better than jogging in something that's tight. She puts her sport shoes on and grabs her keys. Casting one last glance at her reflection, she nods approvingly.
Her house is close to the park, which is the perfect place to jog. Sometimes there are a few creeps at the park, especially at night, though she has a black belt in martial arts so it doesn't concern her. She knows how to defend herself and fight people off when necessary.
She picks her phone up from her counter and plugs her earphones in as she scrolls through a playlist she put together. Music always helps to drown her thoughts out better. Not that she always listens to music when she jogs, considering she prefers silence from time to time.
Once her door is shut she clicks play. The beats of Chained to the Rhythm sound through the earphones as she starts running to go to the park. She might run around the block first as an extra warm up.
I wanted to try this relationship with you because you're my best friend. It's not that you don't look beautiful, but I would be lying if I say I love every... part of you, Lex.
She turns the volume up higher and blinks her eyes a few times, refusing to cry. Love is weakness and it doesn't deserve her tears. She has cried more than enough over Costia, mostly at night when she's alone in her bed, looking at the empty space next to her of where Costia used to be.
"This is such a bummer," Octavia says, stomping her foot down. "It's the first party of the year. I really thought she'd show."
"I thought so too," Clarke replies, a little surprised that Raven isn't here. Especially because Ontari did arrive at the party, which made her think Raven would be around as well. "She's probably studying. She's one of the brightest students here at Polis after all."
"I dressed to impress and now she won't even see it," Octavia mutters. She plucks at the sides of her dress, groaning in what must be frustration.
"Hey um, I need to tell you something," Clarke says, fidgeting with her hands. She's been dreading to tell Octavia, but she has to let her friend know. "It's about Raven."
