What died didn't stay dead

chapter 5

The sound of a machine beeping woke me up. I slightly stirred awake to see Gracie sitting next to me cradling my hand, rubbing it slowly and taylor on the phone to someone walking around. "Hey baby" Gracie smiled at me. "Hi," I whispered. I looked down at my clothes and saw that I was wearing a hospital gown, my arms. Shit.

  "How are you feeling sweet pea?" she asks, holding my hand close to hers. "Ok" I whisper. "Baby" she says to me, getting my attention again. "Mmm" I turn away from Taylor on the phone and look right into Gracies eyes. "I'm so sorry"

 "it's ok Grac-" i got to tell her. "No baby, it's not ok" she cuts me off. "I saw your arms sweet girl" she tells me, her eyes brimming with tears. "I'm so sorry you felt like you had to do that" she caresses my cheek with her hand. "I'm sorry G" I started. 

"I just felt gross, exposed and stupid, cuz I let someone do that to me. I mean how dumb and i that i got myself in that position?." I asked her. "Babygirl, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. This is not your fault you hear me? Not your fault" she tells me seriously. "You couldn't do anything princess. Promise me you'll never think it's your fault again ok?" she tells me. "Ok, it's just hard," I whisper. My sobs overtaking me.

 Gracie hops on the hospital bed with me, wrapping her arms around me while I sobbed into her arms. She continued rubbing my back and whispering sweet nothings into my ear until I felt myself dozing off. I woke up to the sweet smell of pancakes. I rubbed my eyes which were quite sore from crying and sat up. I looked around the room to see Taylor and Gracie sitting at the little coffee table eating.

  "Hey baby, how are you?" Gracie said, noticing I'm awake. "Ok" I whispered. I felt ashamed. Even though I couldn't have controlled what happened to me, I just felt like it was my fault. Like i could have stopped it, maybe if it wasn't such a stupid baby i could've actually went down stairs with the girls and this wouldn't have happened, or if i never told taylor. Maybe Daniel is right, maybe the world is better off without me. 

"Ok that's good" she sat next to me and held my hands. "Gracie?" I asked her. "Yes my sweet girl" she tucked a piece of hair behind my ear looking at me. "What's wrong with me?" I asked her sincerely, my lip trembling. I saw Gracie's heart almost break at the question. Taylor walked over to me sitting opposite Gracie, rubbing my back as Gracie spoke.

  "Baby girl there is nothing wrong with you. Do you hear me?" she told me sweet but firm so i understood. I nodded. "You are smart, funny, caring, loving, amazing, gorgeous and a million more things. Nothing that has happened to you is not your fault, my love ok?" she said, her eyes watering.

  "We both love you so so so much livi ok, don't ever forget that". Taylor told me to kiss me on the forehead. "I'm sorry if you know?" I pointed to my arms which were neatly bandaged up. "It's ok babe. It's not a healthy coping strategy but it's ok. You're gonna be ok" I

 nodded sadly at her, giving her grabby arms. she laughed and cuddled into bed with me. Taylor went to go and grab me some breakfast they got while talking to tree about something. "ok, so tree said there were a few paps that saw us, but it was mainly just people that took videos," she told us after getting off the phone with tree.

 I was sitting down eating my favourite vanilla french toast sticks and an iced water while Taylor told us that people saw us. "That's because we went through the main entrance with the ambulance," she sighed annoyingly. "I mean I love our fans so much but if we were at the hospital, a little privacy would be nice" Gracie added and I couldn't help but feel bad.