Relentlessly Yours [Completed]

Chapter 35

As I look at the birds outside the window, I allowed myself to reminisce on the moments when I lay on the pavement after being hit by the ambulance.

I came to realize that the idea of seeing light after closing one's eyes is nothing but a comforting myth. What you truly see are fragments of your life flashing before your eyes; memories that you've fought to forget but can't let go, faces of strangers you passed on the street, scenarios that you made in your mind and desperately wanted to come true but didn't. Lost hopes. Missed opportunities. Failed relationships. I remember so vividly how I thought it was the end. I remember how scared I was that I will never see Kai again. That I will die and he'll move on.

I vaguely heard the hospital room door open and closed. Kinagat ko ng madiin ang ibabang labi nang marinig ko ang pamilyar na mga yapak niya papunta sa akin.

It was laughable how I could recognize even the sound of his footsteps now. Parang last week lang ay wala akong maalala.

"Calliope..." garalgal ang boses na tawag niya sa pangalan ko.

Hindi ako napapitlag sa boses niya.

I expected this. I expected him.

I knew he was going to come rushing even when he was not supposed to just like I would always go back to him no matter what. Kai was equally obsessed with me as I was with him, and even the cruel reality of our situation wouldn't stop us from finding a way to be together.

Sa maraming aspeto ay magkatulad kami. I chased when he ran. I ran when he chased. It was more than a decade's worth of playing cat and mouse with both of us chasing the happy ending we were always not destined to get.

Naramdaman ko ang pag-init ng mga mata ko.

There it was again. The gut-wrenching feeling of hopelessness. Why was it so difficult to love him?

I closed my eyes briefly and swallowed thickly.

I felt him sit on the chair beside my bed but I kept my head turned away from him.

I flinched when he touched my hand. Hindi siya natinag at hinawakan iyon ng mahigpit bago hinalik-halikan.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, baby..."

Sumikip ang didib ko sa desperasyon at lungkot na narinig ko sa boses niya. My heart thumps as if recognizing its owner. It was fighting to beat out of my chest.

"Look at me. Please...give me those beautiful eyes, Calliope..."

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko siya pakikiharapan ngayon. Do I pretend that the past few months didn't happen? We were even joking around each other the last time I saw him a few days ago for godsakes!

I developed a friendship with him, too. God, I even felt myself falling for him. And to think I even thought Leyton was my type and yet my eyes still looked for Kai. My mind might have temporarily erased him but my heart remembered...

May parang malaking bato na nakabara sa lalamunan ko pero pinilit kong lumunok.

"Paano ka nakapasok dito? Where's my parents?" sunod-sunod na tanong ko ng hindi pa rin lumilingon sa kanya.

My gaze was still fixed on the two birds chasing each other in the sky. In a way, I was trying to escape in my mind but I know I could no longer keep this going.

"They're...outside with the doctors. They didn't see me come in but you should know by now that even a squad of army won't be able to stop me from seeing you..." magaspang ang boses na sabi niya.

Knowing that I can no longer fight the enevitable, bumuntong hininga ako at naglakas ng loob na tingnan siya.

Looking at him now felt like looking at him for the first time in a year. Memories of the past months when we shared those sweet and innocent moments were dimmed by our past. By what happened. By what is still happening. There was no more running now. I tried that but running never worked.