Dead Windows

Let the games begin...

Chapter 4: In the Beginning...

      Now you know how this story ended, so let me tell you how it began. Not from the beginning of my life, but the chapter where my zombie and I became a story. It was a warm September day in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I had recently migrated from Phoenix, Arizona and was staying with my sister. When I first came back to Pittsburgh, I wanted to make a change, in myself, in the community, in the world. I was hurt to the point of wanting to feel and embrace being empowered, rather than allowing myself to be life's victim, again, almost on repeat, like a song on any top 40 station. My new mission was to fix up old houses, for free, in a disadvantaged neighborhood. Sad to say this dream only lasted two days. The second day is when I met Him.

      After finishing a day’s work, with a wonderful sense of pride and accomplishment overtaking me, I voyaged home. The neighborhood I chose was over three hours away by bus and two different buses. The first bus ride came to an end and I was standing at the stop for the new route. I didn't anticipate the wait would be so long, so I treated myself to a spicy McChicken, medium fry, and a large sweet tea at McDonald's, as a reward for a hard work day. I used the restroom before leaving the establishment, my huge cup of sweet tea with two lemons, in tow.

     Small things never cease to amaze me. Here is what was so amazing that day: Had I not left when I did that morning, I would not have finished working that day exactly when I did to be able to catch that specific bus downtown. I would have not been waiting at that bus stop where I stood, seemingly forever, to go into that location of McDonald's, where I'd be able to check periodically for the bus. Seeing the bus I was originally waiting for driving off, I decided to finish the rest of my spicy McChicken meal inside. This was minutes before deciding to use the bathroom and bring my tea to be standing on that corner, taking a sip from my oversized cup, when I looked up and fell in love. Had I decided to take my food to go or had not gone in at all, I would have caught the prior bus. Every small thing that day seemed like a major event leading up to our inevitable meeting. That day, that fateful day, I saw destiny at work. Love at first sight!

      Before September 27th, 2016, I would have laughed at the idea of love at first sight. To me, it didn't and couldn't exist outside the world of fiction and fairy tales. While not a cynic, I believed it was a childhood myth, like the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and unicorns. One simple glance changed my perception forever. One look and I felt my body come to life in ways I have never felt or deemed possible. My heart sank into my stomach, my mind couldn't conjure the words for my mouth to orate. I felt tingles, and passion, and a wildfire inside my body and soul. In a split second, I realized I was no longer mine.

      There He stood, beautiful and perfect, my soulmate. His sun-kissed skin full of melanin, brown and blonde dreadlocks past his shoulders, big, boyish, brown eyes with long, dark curly lashes, and lips so full and soft, I instantly imagined them kissing and owning every part of my flesh. My whole past, present, and future flashed before my eyes. The past seemed to no longer matter. The only thing in the little speck of time that now meant anything to me was Him. I had to figure out how to get Him. Every part of my being needed, longed, yearned, and silently pleaded incessantly to be his and He, mine.

      The only thing left to do was say "Hi." I couldn't! My breath, along with my courage, had been sucked from me, my self-esteem had been drained. There stood this God of a man! How could I approach him? I paced, nervously, frantically, back and forth, in his line of sight, childishly hoping he'd speak to me first. Thank goodness for that sweet tea in my hand awkwardly supplying relief as I tried to be brave. Every time I passed Him, I glanced over to gather small details then looked for an opening. Voila, I had it, the adorable little girl in the stroller would be my way to say hey! Disheartened, I see I may have been too late.

Chapter 5: That F8ful D8

      Loss and pain are synonymous to me. My life is truly a series of unfortunate events, occurring congruently. I ached for a break, a period of time which was mine to enjoy the many splendors of life. That's not the hand I was dealt. They say when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. What do you do when life never provides sweeteners or water, let alone a pitcher to make it in? You drink down a gulp of bitter citrus and hope you can stomach it!

     Not this time, I was determined to get my lemonade, even if I had to steal it. By the time I worked up the nerve to approach Him, He and another girl were engaged in conversation. It happened that fast. Literally, two minutes can make or break fate. What have I done? I know we're supposed to be together or thought we were. What I see now is he obviously didn't feel it, as well. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.

     At the corner where my soul met His, a plethora of buses dropped off and picked up passengers. After what seemed like an eternity, considering how slowed down time became, the 1 bus approached, heading towards Tarentum. "That's me," I think to myself, despairingly. I try to immediately console my anxiety with negative thoughts, hoping it would bring a positive outcome. I board the bus last to steal as many looks, seconds, breaths as I could before our final farewell. Low and behold, he was trying to board the same bus! How did I get so lucky? This never happens to me? I had to have done something right for fate to finally be in my favor.

      The bus was pulling off, He was still struggling with a toddler, a stroller, and a bag. Glorious fate had made a way for me! I hurried to the front of the bus and notified the driver that a man and his small child were trying to board. Blessedly, he stopped the bus and reopened the doors. I help "The Man" and his angel, now my angel, inside. We sit near each other. More proof of cosmic energy at work. Unfortunately for me, he re-engaged communication with the female whom I felt ruined my life by being braver than I.

      Fate kept intervening on my destiny, our destiny, that beautiful autumn day. I concluded that I'd no longer be concerned with forcing fate when the universe was continuing to show me He was my fate. Excited and overwhelmed with so much of so many different emotions freely flowing through me, to me and from me. I used my energy to disguise the obvious, instead of panicking, I kept my composure and patiently awaited the moment life had designed for us, on that fateful day. The design was far too elaborate and grand for life to show me how twisted its sense of humor is.

Chapter 6: Serendip-shit-y

      I previously mentioned how perfectly each event of this day had played out. As the seconds turn into minutes and each minute into more, I would call nothing that took place this day serendipity. By definition, serendipity occurs by chance. I refused to surmise coincidence could be the culprit. Divine intervention is what I presumed. Nothing could rob MY day of its joy. Alas, I got my moment! MY day!

      As anticipated, the conversation betwixt the two had ceased. Silence rang beautifully in my ears, though my surroundings were still muddled with the mingling of communications between a combination of lower and middle-class citizens. I could hear nothing, I could see only him. His daughter began to get fussy and as a man solely in charge of a child, I could hear His frustrations rising. I've never been so happy to be so good with children. I've never found joy in my pain. Could it be that all the heartache, trauma and drama have all not been in vain? What came to mind was a line from a song by a rapper named Drake and two quotes from one of my favorite movies, "Memoirs of a Geisha" concurrently flowed through my mind... "All those other guys were practice, they were practice, for me, for me, for me," and "Every step I have taken since I was that child on the bridge has been to bring myself closer to you," and lastly, "If you can keep your destiny in mind, every moment in life becomes an opportunity for moving closer to it."

     I seized the opportunity and told him his daughter was adorable and the way he was interacting with her was refreshing. I asked her name and age. He answered "Victoriah and she's one." Victoriah's nose was running, without asking, wanting, or requiring permission, I used a napkin I had from McDonald's, in my purse, to wipe her nose. He thanked me and told me she was sick. I told him it was no problem, I'm a mother of three. That got excitement out of him. I offered to let his daughter use the phone that used to entertain my children.  Yes! He was taking an interest in me!

      He told me he was a father three, also, and asked me the ages of my kids. Seven, five, and two. I hadn't told him that I was fighting for custody of my children, yet. Filled with even more excitement, he told me He was a father of three, too. His kids were seven, four, and one. He hadn't yet told me he was an absentee parent. I understood His excitement, more fate at play. For Him, it had just begun.

      We spent the entire bus ride talking about anything, everything. Our conversation flowed as fluidly as if we've known each other our whole lives and were making up for lost time. I realized we were approaching the end of our line and I asked Him where He was getting off at. He informed me he was getting off at the very last stop! Hell yeah! The same stop as me! All this meant to me is I got to spend a little more time with the love of my life.

      With our stop minutes away, it's like a ton of bricks hit us at the same exact moment. Our proverbial light bulbs lit up and in the same breath, we asked each other's names. I smiled and giggled. He smirked with a slight chuckle. "Aftyn, my name is Aftyn. And, yours?"" Harry, he said happily." I offered to help him and his daughter off the bus. He said he would have a friend meeting him and he would be fine. Damn. New plan! I asked him for his number. He was barely opening his mouth to speak when we reached our final destination.

Chapter 7: End of the Line

      No, not again! Would Harry finish what he started? The motion of events set forth from, as I now pictured, the moments our parents conceived us. Milliseconds felt like hours. I grasped the meaning of "a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day." Luckily, he did give me his number before making a mad dash to exit the bus. I sat in my seat, the seat which was directly in front of his, basking in the satisfaction of this fortuitous day. Unluckily, I see him meeting a beautiful woman at the bus stop. She helps Harry with his things. Sullen and distressed, I conjured up all my positive energy and willed them towards whatever forces of nature could interject. I swallowed hard, my breath, saliva and pride. I walk toward the door to exit, my head hanging low to hide the disappointment in my eyes.

     Astoundingly, Harry introduces me to his female companion as his future wife and introduces her as his friend Amy. The world, on this day, has worked in my favor, thus far. Right when I was wishing, hoping and praying for a break, I received a miracle in human form. We say our farewells as Harry walks off with Victoriah and Amy and I stand at that corner awestruck, waiting for my ride. They disappear from my line of sight.

      A few minutes pass and I'm still waiting for my sister to come to get me, or maybe that was a lie I told in hopes of having more of his time. I think the fantasy I played out in my head was us walking together, figuratively hand in hand, baby getting strolled, and us never apart. True or false, it was the best move I had made all day! In my peripheral vision, I spot a silhouette blazing towards me. As the shadow turns into a figure, I see Harry, my beloved, coming at me like a speeding freight train about to derail, though I think I was the one derailed. My heartbeat quickened, my breath was frozen, my soul escaped my body and found its way to him, in him. I was right, I no longer belonged to me. 

      Harry came back to me, he came back! What was so urgent that he ran back? We are finally alone, face to face, so close I can feel his breath on me, I feel the electricity coursing through our bodies, from our bodies and returning to us. Now what? Time seems to stand still when he's around. Harry came to be honest. What a good omen! He tells me he felt really connected to me and didn't want to lose the opportunity to have me. The phone number he gave me was temporarily not in service, but he was going to his sister's house later that day to drop off his daughter. He gave me her number, in addition to his own, and told me to give her a call and explain why I was calling. He assured me she was very nice and would not be alarmed by this call and to save her number under the name Jordyn. I immediately obeyed. Harry continues to tell me how he told Amy that he had met his future wife on the bus. Coyly, I smile and blush, I heard him the first time. #SoInLove