Retry (YTTD x F!Reader)

Prolouge : Funeral

Rain flowed and pooled down your face, your head practically glued to the ground. You were sure if this were a movie, a methodical haunting melody of piano and strings would hum, the camera panning out from your back and leaving you as distant figure in a vast background of gray and graves as people ushered away. It was always accompanied by the beating of rain and a cloud infested sky. It was ironic really. If only this were a movie.

The brown casket with intricate carvings of flowers and nature descended into the broken dirt, burying a part of you you would never see again. Mom was always going on about God. How death is a part of life. But she never said it would be so quiet. Not a single thought, a single feeling. Nothing you could connect to your brain. What was wrong with you?

Dad pats your shoulder, pulling you into his side. You glance up at him, a solemn look on his face of course. He really wanted to cry, but you knew he wanted to be strong just as much. Whether it be for you, the rest of the family, he was always trying to look on the bright side. But what bright side is there to this? You could almost feel bad for him. But what does that even mean?

Your face was unchanging, which was probably the scariest and most saddening thing about you. You knew he needed comfort. Reassurance. That you weren't some robot, an uncaring devil that his wife gave birth to. But your face was a truth he couldn't deny. You returned your gaze to the ground, snaking your hand along his lower back. It's all you could give him.

You both watched as they buried Mom.

—————

The professor plays a clip on screen, going in slow motion through the in's and outs of what all is happening, all the things you need to pay attention to as a lens. Your hand is writing. Actor positioning, blank space, background elements, lighting, framing, but it's not marinating yet. You'd probably have to study tonight again.

"Ring!"

A digital wall clock in the professors room goes off, reminding him his class is over. He says bye and immediately sets up for his next class, prompting you to pack up and usher to the next one. Your days were usually like this. Take notes, write scripts, edit scenes, shoot random material, collaborate with other students.. all to one day join the industry and work on a project of your own.

You couldn't remember when you first got interested in films. Most of your childhood was a blur, a mirage of images and words that didn't really take shape until you were fourteen. You remembered some movie nights with your parents, and classmates talking about their favorite media and whatnot, but you couldn't put a date on the very first instance it lingered.

You wouldn't say you were obsessed with the magic that goes into movies and television, it was more of just something you wanted to decipher. To replicate for the sake of making something intriguing. To try and understand what made you different. If you were even capable of doing something like that.

"(Y/N)!"

You turn your head, Sena with her cheery voice and bouncy curls rushing over to you. You didn't know why she insisted on bothering you so much, but your attempts at distancing yourself never seemed to work. After you had group work to edit some clips, she's been determined to put up with you ever since. "Hello." You stop walking to let her catch up.

"Jeez.. you walk like you're avoiding the world or something.. I can barely catch you out of class." She takes a breather before walking along side you. It's not like you were walking that fast, you just didn't waste time by being leisurely. You hum, letting her continue her train of thought. "Where are you going anyway? I have a free period before I do script writing with Ms. Park." You readjust your bag on your shoulder.