Thoughts and stories

Adam

Tw substance abuse n ED child abuse
The mirrors in his room are cracked and covered with cloth. He studies, he works, and practically nothing else. He'll never be good enough, his father lets him know that. His mother never bothered to stand up for her only son. Instead she got drunk on red wine in her pyjamas on the kitchen stool. Adam grew up in a household of rules. What time you sleep, what time you eat, what time you wake up. From simple routines to physical appearances. He was encouraged at a young age to start dieting by his drunk mother. He worked at all the times he could, he studied in a locked room and denied himself food until he was done. His mother died, she drank herself to death. Adam found her cold body on the living room floor. The lacy white and beige living room clashed with the dark red wine that soaked her dress and the carpeted floors. Her ashes turned into two intricate crosses, she requested this years ago when she was a good catholic woman. Adam wore his cross daily, maybe because it's all part of the dull routine he has kept for years. Waking up, putting on his cross, getting ready for his class, coming hime and getting ready for work. He Rarely treated himself to anything. He would starve himself until he passed out and threw up blood. His bones poked out, his eyes seemed dead, his breath had gone sour. He had gotten into college with this routine and didn't want to change. He took some pride in being sick. He purposefully sabotaged his few friends. When they came to his dorm he would feed them fatty foods so he would always be the thinnest. He felt a surge of jealousy every time he saw someone he saw someone skinnier. He hated people. He didn't want to be around anyone so he picked the latest classes. His college professors expressed concern several times but Adam found the pity and worry amazing. He would get home and kick his feet. Months pass by and he's weaker than ever. He starts using forearm crutches, his muscles are too weak for him to walk normally. He takes up smoking cigarettes, not abnormal for a new adult but the addiction starts up quickly. It made him feel less hungry, he would go even longer without a meal. Drinking lemon water for a week straight along with the occasional energy drink but only in private. With the amount of calories in one people might think he's starting to get better. He doesn't want to be better.