Bits of My Ideas

How to Deal With Your Crush

Step 1

It's the best if you don't notice yourself. You'd rather dig yourself a hole to die than acknowledge that you have a crush. Because once you do, there's no way back. Those side eyes she gives you when you do something cheeky, trying to glare but her lips betraying her by quirking up, or sticking her tongue out at you while you're trying to be mad at her but obviously failing, and those small smiles with shining eyes for your inside jokes with her, for you and you only; you will start to hope for some deeper meaning behind those, even though you know it's nearly impossible. Hope is worse than drugs: more addictive, bad for your health (no kidding, all those heartbeats twice as fast, you could die), and even worse, bad for your sanity. So it's the best for everyone if no one knows your stupid crush, including you.

Step 2

If ignoring doesn't work, try denying. The friendly pat she gives you on your head is just typical of her; she does it with everyone. Swinging her arm on your shoulder so casually that you start to think you're her personal armchair is also normal; she does it all the time, why affect you now? When she asks you if you're alright, try to answer Yeah, I'm alright. Brilliant, even. Why, you?, wait for her reply, and direct the attention back to her. Try to push the thoughts of Yeah, I'm happy to be next to you to the back of your head, because she knows you're happy to be with her. Don't turn things awkward.

Step 3

Alright. When you realise there's indeed no way out, you have to learn to live with it. The cliché fluttering in your stomach when she looks at you with her grin is nothing to be worried about; you're just having a stupid crush. Skipping beats of your heart so fast that you start to doubt if you're in the middle of a heart attack, is just a result of seeing her smile, so bright and warm that you could feel it radiating into your skin, nothing serious. When she says the words Thanks, you're the best!, smile at her and ignore the hidden friend after best. When she winks at you for some jokes, try to keep your breathing under control and wink her back. You just learn to keep the wide grin off your face whenever you see her, because please, you see her nearly every day. There's no need to get excited.

Step 4

If you manage to avoid the butterflies and tickling breezes, be a bit sneaky and try to use your opportunities, will you? When you learn to deal with getting lost in her eyes, try staring for a little too long and turning away just in time to avoid her glance, because what can you really do more than that? When she puts her arm on your back out of habit, there's no problem in leaning a bit to her touch if you can keep your rational thoughts on track. And when she hugs you like it's no big deal, you can wrap your arms around her without being weird about it, bury your face in her shoulder, and breathe her scent in, because friends do hug, right?

Step 5

You've got no right to be jealous about who she talks to, who she laughs with, and who she waits for. You just listen to her as if she's talking to you, because even if she doesn't notice, you have to prove that you'll always listen to her even when no one does. You just laugh along with her, because she puts a smile on your face even though you've got no more energy left to cry. You just wait with her, because that's the most you can do: being there for her.

Step 6

When she says that she thinks someone caught her eye, try to be equally excited and give advice. Don't sulk and show how much that affects you. Ignore the ache in your chest and focus on the sparkling of her eyes, the curving of her lips, and the rosy tints on her cheeks. If you can't go that far focusing on the words that she's telling you, it's okay. You just have to be supportive and caring, and show that you've got her back no matter what, even if it's capable of killing you.

Step 7

Block out the description of the person she has a crush on off your mind. Stop thinking It sounds a lot like me or That should have been me. It's not about you, it's about her. Besides, there's no way she has a crush on you. You're her best friend, nothing more. It's lucky that she thinks of you as one. Even if she does take an interest in you, she deserves a lot better than that. Stop being selfish; it's wrong to want her like that. Help her sort it out. It's her emotions that are important, not yours.

Step 8

When you finally realise that it's, for real, not you that she has a crush on, don't sound too hurt. You knew it all along, you don't have to sound disappointed. Make sure to nudge her arm and wink at her whenever he comes near, not scare him off by glaring at him to death. Remember to wolf-whistle whenever they're close to each other, not block their way in the middle. Don't forget to tease her occasionally about him, because that's what best friends do when they know each other's crushes. You're her best friend, that's what you are.

Step 9

When someone breaks her heart, try to think rationally. Be with her instead of chasing after the one who did it to her. She'll always be your first priority, not some random guy stupid enough to wipe her smile off her face. Wipe her tears without showing that your hands are shaking along her breaths. Crack some jokes to see her pure smile, putting away a hint of tremor in your voice. Hug her back and don't think about the way she's holding too tight onto you, because she needs your comfort, not your feelings. You have to be her rock, not an adding burden.

Step 10

When things return to normal, go along with the flow. You're allowed to ruin her jokes by telling the punchline beforehand, but make sure she's okay afterwards and not too annoyed. You're allowed to slap her arm, a little but not too hard, when she teases you about some crush, just don't dwell too much. You're also allowed to beat her in the games, just make sure you have a revenge round and make her pleased about having you back (I knew it was just luck that you won.). Make sure you're seeing the usual sparkle of her eyes, and the usual sunshine smile, and the usual cheeky side of hers.

Step 11

The best for you, and for her, is to hide it as much as you can; it's for your friendship. And when she asks Is your crush, by any chance, me?, hide the panic behind your eyes, laugh like it's some kind of a sick joke, and convince her as much as you convince yourself with No way bro, what the fuck!. When she catches your eyes getting lost looking at her, smile and wave it off like it's one of your strange habits. When she sometimes not so mercifully tries to flirt with you, act like a married couple in return, to show that it doesn't affect you the way it does and you can handle those little things.

Step 12

Be with her for her best and worst, through her ups and downs, because that's all you can do. It sounds like a wedding vow, but trust me, you're too whipped to feel freaked out by it. Be there to share her laughs, make her smile, wipe her tears, overall, be there with her as long as she allows you to. Be with her until she no longer needs you and politely kicks you out. Stick with her until that time, one day, she doesn't want you anymore.

8th July 2023, Saturday