Losing All Religion

Aaron Carver- Past

I hate putting on a white button up and tie...ties will be the actual fucking death of me. I don't know why it's necessary. What about this attire makes it so fucking holy anyway? I wish that I didn't have to go to church, but it makes my mom happy when I go, and I'd do anything for her. After dad passed a few years ago, I'd do just about anything I can to put a smile back on Mom's face...even if it makes me miserable in the process. Moving to California came out of left field for us, but it's Mom's best opportunity so Ashley and I have to make the best of it. Ashley is my younger sister...all our other siblings and our nieces live in Utah still. Definitely miss being around them already, but that's what phones are for.

I just wish that being in this church didn't require putting on a freaking noose around my neck...that's what wearing a tie feels like every week. It's worse here cause it's fucking hot as hell. No one really prepared me for what it would be like here. I hate the small little suburban neighborhood we moved to. The neighbors are loud. It's really loud here. And it's kind of creepy that we live right next to the only cemetery in this tiny town.

So far there have been no redeeming qualities about this town, but I do have my own room. My mom is trying her best, but I hate this fucking town already. I miss my space back home... I miss my family...my nieces and siblings. Ashley's been a pain in my ass already. She's kissing up to Mom and I really need her to stop. I don't know how the guys do it here, but the heat's killing me. I had to roll the sleeves on the white top up past my elbows just to cool down. It's making me really nervous because I hate how it accentuates how tall and lanky I really am.

We're going from a church that has hundreds of people in each ward, to a town that only has a few hundred people living in it. When we get to the church there are only a few families. Great. We're the new family that has to try to blend in. Any hope of fading into the background and not having to participate disappear. Shit. I spend most of my time on the phone or on my Nintendo, just trying to pass the time. Mom lets me because it's better than the fight she would have on her hands just to get me out of our car and through the doors of this place.

There's this obnoxious kid, Ray who keeps trying to make friends with me after the initial church meeting. I don't get why people willingly waste their time on this false hope shit. Death is death. That's it. The end. No more. Definitely not this happily ever after, live after you die and spend eternity with those you love shit. Life doesn't work like that. It's messy, it's painful and then you get to die, and finally breathe for once.

Ray spews the same bullshit I've grown up hearing my entire life, and I just want to get away from this kid. It's mixed with all kinds of questions about my life and my family; those are subjects I wont touch with a ten foot pole at this point with the kid. He's like an annoying little puppy dog who just wont leave me alone. He follows me, and then I pull out the Nintendo from my pocket. His eyes light up like Christmas morning, and then I learn that he's been abused at home....they aren't allowed to play video games.

This sixteen year old kid doesn't even know what Pokemon is and I know that if I take him under my wing, at least I have a chance of getting out of answering questions in class. Alright, I guess I can explain Pokemon to a noob. Ray is just going to have to learn to be cool, and what better teacher of cool than I.

The time passes quickly teaching Ray Pokemon under my breath. I also meet some cooler guys in the class, Steve and Jake seem great. They're best friends with Ray. I may be able to blend in here anyway, since Steve's family is really tall, Steve included. Honestly, these guys are pretty decent, and there's not much of a choice here. They seem to be friendly, which is better than making enemies fresh off the bat in a small town like this one.

The lesson goes on way too long for my taste, but at least I get a lot done on this level. Ray has been shielding most of the answers, and telling me his life story between them. I don't know why he chose to be so chatty with me. It must be that I'm the new kid, and following the church rules means loving your neighbour. Apparently they follow that here.

I'm going to fit right in...not.

I'm relieved when it's finally time to get out of this place. I see Mom talking to what is apparently Ray's mom and I'm stopped and asked to take the trash out with the other guys, so I resentfully oblige. As I'm gathering trash, this girl approaches Mom and Ray's mom.

Fuck.

She's small, but gorgeous. Her brunette hair falls down her shoulders in waves. Her dress is loose, but that doesn't hide her curvy in all the right places, skinny figure. She has these piercing blue eyes, which right now are staring straight at me. I hastily look away and finish grabbing the trash, following one of the guys.

Holy shit.

She looked just as miserable to be here as me. I have to know who she is. Why is she with my mom?

It doesn't take long for me to get to the trash can, but by the time I get back to meet mom, the girl is gone.

Fuck. I'm in trouble here. I haven't even been here for two weeks. I already need to find an excuse to get out of this fucking town.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck, that girl is going to haunt me. I can already tell.