Punching 13 - Johnny Kavannagh [BOT]

Chapter four: for Shannon's sake

Rich Boy turned out to be less gormless than I thought. When Shannon came back home yesterday, she was better and still proclaiming it was an accident. I didn't have a reason not to believe her, so there I was, in front of our mirror, practicing my apology. The fucked-up Lynch DNA makes us incapable of apologising. We can fake it, of course. Like Tadhg's when he's been obligated by Joey or Ollie's when he doesn't knock on the door. Shannon is the only one that doesn't have a problem with that. She apologises as easy as Tadhg swears.

I checked the watch on the desk. The bedroom Shannon and I share is as big as a shoebox. Just one wardrobe for our shared and inherited clothes, two small beds with no separation between them, one desk, one window, and the only thing that makes it worth it: a lock. We know that it won't stop Da if he's angry enough, but it gives us some kind of security. Like when Joey stays in the corridor next to the boys' bedroom.

I leaned out the door. It was clear. As near as I was to the entrance, the loudest the voices in the living-dining kitchen were. The boys were keeping Shan company, and there wasn't any clue of where Ma, Da, or Joey were. I was taking a risk by leaving them alone. Shannon is only one year younger than me, but Tadhg is known for his cronical aversion to following orders-or common sense. I also have to be here when Da comes to protect them, just in case.

"Tadhg," I called, still in the hall. He yelled an answer; of course he wouldn't come to see what I had to say. I observed them. They were playing videogames-something at every Lynch but me seemed to be good at-but the thing that made my heart warmed was that they were together. Just two days before I've decided that my time being a ghost was over, so in that moment I wasn't looking only at my siblings. There is a spread of my heart now.

Ollie was the first to turn around his head to look at me with a smile. His blonde curls bounced with the movement. He needs a cut, or he won't be able to see pretty soon. That means I need Tadhg to cut his because it is the only way Ollie agrees to it. It's Tadhg or Joey, and I prefer not to bother our big brother.

Ollie smiled at me with his crooked teeth. He looked like a hopeful child. He is always smiling when Da is not around to scare him. He and Sean understand that we are constantly in danger with Da around, but they don't know everything, and I'm relieved they don't. They're children who have the right to enjoy their childhood. Joey lost his, Shannon, and I too, even Tadhg, but they still have some chances.

I winked at my little sunshine. God, he loves me with all his soul, and I've done nothing to protect him from the monster.

"Shan, you shouldn't be looking at the TV; you've got to rest." Her gaze left the screen in front of her to look at me with sad and ashamed eyes. Her eyes are so big that they look like they do in babies. I couldn't say no when she was looking at me like that. It wasn't a sad-puppy face. That thing doesn't work on me, it is a calculated movement to achieve something. But Shan's eyes? All in her was pure. "Maybe a few minutes don't hurt. But you've got to rest."