Aslaz Short Stories - Yabani

• Sensizlik - Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Alaz had left her.

Alaz had left her, again.

Alaz broke his promises again.

Alaz left. Alaz was gone.

Asi felt her whole body tremble in agony as these thoughts hit her continuously, haunting her senses, numbing them to the point she didn't seem to recognize her surroundings. She could only feel her body giving up slowly as her heart mourned in the pain he had once again left her in. Her legs unable to hold her trembling self anymore gave up, as she almost prevented herself from falling down and stumbled back on the bed behind.

Alaz left again. Her heart pounded so violently that she felt it would burst out at any moment. Asi shook her head in shock, trying to make sense of the situation as her chest started closing up second after second, squeezing the air from her lungs. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't find air to breathe. She felt terrible. She felt like she would pass out any moment as dizziness and suffocation threatened her body.

'I will not leave,Asi. I can't leave.' His words from the first day he was here echoed in her numbing mind, making her even more miserable than she already was... he told her he won't leave, he begged her to let him stay, didn't he? Then how could he leave? It was all a lie. He lied again. It was all a fucking lie! 

'Breathe. Breathe. Breathe, Asi.' She told herself again and again but nothing worked. She gasped, taking long deep breaths, holding the bedsheet in a fist to stop her body from shaking. Keeping her shaky hand on her chest, she tried to get rid of the panic attack she was falling in.

One. Two. Three. Four... she closed her eyes trying to focus on counting numbers, hoping to regulate her breathing gradually. Five. Six. Seven. Eight... she could finally now feel air returning to her lungs, her vision clearing up a bit. Nine. Ten.

As soon as she felt the suffocation subside, reality started hitting her even harder. 'You left again, Alaz. You left me again, all alone to collect myself again. Why did you have to make so many promises when you couldn't handle them? Why did you show me new dreams when you had to run away again? Why did you leave just when I started believing in our future?'

A sudden cry erupted out of her as tears relentlessly started falling down her face. Her loud sobs shook her whole form, screaming about her heartbreak, and ripped apart the bitter silence that she was surrounded with.

As if her heartbreak and pain were heard by the tiny soul within her, she felt a slight kick inside her stomach, "bebeğim..." she held her breath, blinking a couple of times before pressing her hands to her mouth suppressing another sob that wrecked her body.

"I'm here. I'm here, tamam mı? Don't worry, I'm here." She pulled her legs up the bed and lay down, cradling her belly slightly while clutching the cushion ahead with another hand, "we'll always be with each other." She whispered as tears refused to stop from falling ruthlessly. Why Alaz? Why?

---

"Asi. Asi, wake up güzelim." She heard a voice from a distance, as if it was coming from the other side while she was too far to hear it clearly. The voice kept calling her and started getting clearer. "Asi..." this time she could hear it more clearly and she could also recognize it. She could recognize the owner of this voice!

But she was unable to open her eyes. They felt heavy as her head pounded with pain, making her frown in discomfort. There was a slight touch on her forehead and then a soft pat on her cheek, "you have a fever, wake up..." now, she heard panic rising in that familiar voice which had gotten even clearer. She felt her heartbeat increase terribly while she attempted to wake up.