you're the little thing, my saving grace

Chapter 11

Sometimes the surest way to do something that you haven't dared for so long is to step into the unknown without thinking about the consequences. Already lying in his lonely bed, Pete belatedly reflects once again that he acted dishonestly with Vegas. Now he will think that he can count on something in the foreseeable future, whereas all Pete wants is to protect himself and his loved ones from his own illegal past. Pete's thoughts treacherously lead him along another branch: What if Vegas wasn't the son of the Mafia's head? If they hadn't crossed paths with the criminal world in any way, not by one tiny percentage, could they have done something?

Pete squints and opens his eyes wide. The stars are twinkling brightly in the night sky, and the full moon looks like a bright egg yolk.

That part of my life is over... so why does fate bring me back to it? I don't want that.

"You are my saving grace." Did Pete ever think to hear such a thing about himself?

God... why are you so grown up, Vegas?.. I don't want this... I want to remember you as that mischievous little boy who, like a restless sparrow, fluttered around his father's golden cage until he sent you away. Of course, Pete remembers Vegas as a teenager, but for obvious reasons he tries to push that time to the farthest corner of his memory.

"You don't care about me so much that you even called your son by my name..."

Damn! Maybe I really care... maybe I care even more than I must...

When he got his freedom from working for the head of the mafia, Pete seemed to have wings behind his back. With a good "departure" allowance, he could have gone anywhere in the world, but chose this distant province, naively believing that no one would ever look for him here. But all the precious freedom turned to dust.

But why? How could this happen? The realization of his helplessness makes his regrets even more bitter. Pete grits his teeth, but realizes it's too late to regret the past. We need to act. Well, Vegas, I'm going to have to rely on you this time. We'll see if you won't let us down…

"The only thing wrong here is that such a man falls asleep alone in bed."

Pete doesn't want to, but he goes back to Vegas' words anyway. Perhaps it was completely ridiculous from the outside, but throughout his life he always had reasons to postpone this very life for later. Especially personal. In his early youth, he had been dating girls a little, but, in fact, quite naive and clumsy, most likely everyone in life has such. Then he started working for Kan, and there was no question of any personal life. After he was seriously injured, he recovered for a long time, decided to go north and open a Korean cafe, met Layan... and now his little Vegas is sleeping in the next room. And his mom is staying in the city again.

Maybe it's for the best if Layan's music ambitions works out? She'll take the baby for herself, at least for a while, while Pete takes care of everything here. 

Mentally speaking, Pete doesn't really have much hope for his son's mom. Layan is good, but even now Pete doubts that she was ready for the role of a mother. And yet he is grateful to her that the girl once listened to him and kept the child. She was younger, she was still a very twenty-year-old girl, and it's worth admitting... she really sacrificed the possibilities of a musical career. At twenty, anyway, it's much easier to do this. They perceive you in a completely different way and forgive many mistakes that they will not forgive later.

By one o'clock in the morning, Pete can't stand it, gets up, not immediately getting his feet into his slippers. After sitting for a while with his head down, he gets up and wanders into the kitchen, shuffling his feet like an old man. Before reaching the place, he notices a bright night light in the nursery.

"Uh... Vegas?"

His baby is sitting on the floor and screwing some part to his robot pup. He is so passionate that he does not immediately notice Dad.

"Vegas, why aren't you sleeping? It can be done in the morning," Pete approaches him and sits down opposite, "Vegas?"

"Is Mom not coming back anymore?" suddenly the kid asks quietly, without looking up from his occupation.

"What makes you think that, baby? Mom will finish her business and come back. How can she leave you?"

The kid suddenly looks up at him with his serious gaze and says:

"I'm bothering her. And you too. Right?"

Pete gapes, dumbfounded. No. Layan couldn't have said that to the kid... it's impossible, right?

"No, what are you talking about?"  Pete sits down closer and hugs his son, "never say or think about such things. Mom loves you very much and will never leave you. She will definitely come back, we talked to her before going to bed, right?"

But the kid is not touched by his words. He pulls back and asks:

"Does she love you? Why do you keep talking about me all the time?"

Because you are the most important and precious person in my life, Vegas, Pete wants to shout from the rolling despair. But instead, Pete keeps saying his own thing, completely out of place:

"Mom will definitely come back! You'll see!"

His kid, his eight-year-old Vegas, who sonehome managed to grow up too fast, throws a close look at him and suddenly asks:

"And what about big Vegas? Is big Vegas coming back too?"

"I do not know, baby," Pete gently pats his son on the head, "I really do not know."

"Do you want him to come back?"

God, Vegas... why are you, my baby, asking such questions?

"Baby," Pete hugs his son again, "I really don't know. You see, he's already very grown up, he has his own affairs, his own life."

Little Vegas puts the robot aside and says thoughtfully, looking at the wall opposite:

"I think he wants to come back to us more than Mom."

So. This is unbearable.

"Let's go to sleep. You'll see: tomorrow you'll open your eyes, and Mom is right there in the kitchen cooking breakfast. Ok?"

The kid nods uncertainly, but Pete understands from his eyes: He doesn't believe it.

"Dad," Vegas leans his forehead against his stomach, "if big Vegas comes back, don't send him away. He's your most important friend, isn't he? I remember you saying that..."

Hmm. Did I send him away? What's going on anyway?

"Oh, baby, let's put you into the bed, okay?"

"Okay," Vegas gets up and adjusts the edge of his T-shirt for sleep, "good night, Dad."

"Good night, baby," Pete accompanies his son to the bed and puts him there, switching the night light to the weakest lighting mode. "Sleep, Vegas, may you have only the kindest dreams."

Forgetting that he went to the kitchen to get cold water, Pete returns to his bedroom, involuntarily muttering in a half-whisper:

"Good night, big Vegas…"