Sour Lemon Book Reviews

His Violent Delight

His Violent Delight by sserpensssortia (84/100)

Title: 9- I really like this title. It's not long and overly wordy at all while still having a mysterious allure to it. I've noticed that there are quit a few fanfics that have an entire paragraph as a title, sounding like the next cringe isekai (but we still love them both XD). I really appreciate this one for not doing that. I only take away a point because the title sounds a lot like the titles from the series by Chloe Gong. 

Cover: 10- I really love the look of your new cover! The design is so clean, balanced, and visually appealing from the color scheme down to the font. I would grab the heck out of a book looking like this. 

(previous score, updated 8/13/2024: 5- I have to knock off 5 points just because it is very obviously an AI art cover. I can appreciate the time it probably required to get it to look the way you wanted. It just falls into the trap of the longer you look at it, the more obvious it was generated with some errors. I would be more partial to a less 'pretty picture' cover created by a real person than a good looking AI cover,  but those are just my thoughts, preferences, and opinions and everyone is entitled to their own. I will award 5 points for the concept of the cover, which I really like. Honestly, if this was person-created art it would easily be a 10/10. )

Summary: 10- The summary does a really good job of drawing the reader in! If this was a book I stumbled upon in the wild, from the summary alone there is a very good chance that I would read it. It has just enough to give you an idea of what is going on without giving anything away. This writing in the summary also demonstrates a show of skill and flow. I also just need to applaud any summary that isn't awkward sounding because I am awful at writing summaries. 

Opening Impression: 7- I really like the set-up you have going. However, I think it's just a little *too* much. By the time I reached the prologue 4 story parts in, I was hoping that we would start with some actual plot. I was a little disappointed that it was a flowery interjection. It was well-written, but I started to cause a drop in my anticipation for the story. 

Characters: 7- I think the majority of the original to the story characters have a great deal of depth to them. However, the Harry Potter series characters felt just a little flat/stiff at times, the exception being Tom Riddle. There were many dimensions to TR. The main character, Amelia, is very interesting. I noticed as I read the first 15 parts, that she seems to waver between two contrasting ideals, but I don't think that's an error. My interpretation is that Amelia is unsure and in a new place. And I think emotionally she is a bit shaky after everything, so her alternating ideals really demonstrates that well. 

Dialogue: 6- Some of the dialogue can feel a bit forced at times. Characters alternate between deep and shallow in what they say/do and it sometimes seems like a plot device instead of a natural progression to the story. A scene that I really think is a good example of this is when Amelia first encounters younger Dumbledore. He comes across very simple minded instead of this complex man who will become one of the pillars in the wizarding universe. But I can imagine writing someone else's characters is akin to learning a subject with a textbook in a language you only half understand, some turbulence in the execution can be expected. You do a fantastic job with dialogue of *your* characters. My advice would be to try write existing characters from the same perspective that you do Amelia. 

Setting: 8- I think you do a fantastic job setting up a new story and new setting in a familiar place. 

Pacing: 10- Once you get into the actual story, I think it has really good pacing. Things feel like they are happening at a reasonable and entertaining speed. That really helps in keeping the reader immersed. 

Spelling/Grammar: 10- The last thing I did was go over your writing with a fine tooth comb. There could very well be some grammar/spelling errors in there that I didn't notice, and that's exactly the point. I didn't notice any. At no point was my immersion broken due to technical errors.

Overall Flow: 7- The only thing flow wise that I can really critique is that there are instances where your character's know something before they should. For example when she first awakens in the past she your words say 'Dumbledore said' and then immediately Amelia (who is the main point of view the story is told from" questions if that is Albus as in Albus Dumbledore. Saying 'the man/Albus said' or really anything other than something that we haven't learned yet  helps keep preserve your character and story immersion.

Total Score: 84/100

My favorite things: Love that the chapters are in roman numerals. This story and writing has a very polished and mature feel to it, and I mean that in the best of ways. The spell battle scene was captivating. I also really like the slow burn dimension and tangle of emotions your two POV's have. 

Something I would recommend: At the start before your story actually begins, you have an Author's Note, To Love Tom Riddle, Character Aesthetics, and then finally a Prologue that doesn't contribute anything to the plot, just an additional set-up that is getting a bit too drawn out. I have an ad-free experience, but not every reader does. If I had to sit through 3-4 ads before I even got to the story, I probably would have not continued. If it were me personally, I would recommend to maybe combining your Character Aesthetics and Author's Note, and making your To Love Tom Riddle your prologue instead. I really love the concept and writing in your TLTR. It does a good job of drawing the reader in and painting a picture of your story and writing. The prologue is written nicely as well, just a little lackluster especially if someone has to watch a 60 second video to get there. Again, writing is great, I just don't think it adds anything to the overall story and just draws out the beginning. 

Would I recommend this book to others? With this being a fanfic, I don't think I could recommend it to anyone who hasn't familiarized themselves with the HP universe. There's quite a few things that rely on the reader *already knowing* from the original series. And there is nothing wrong with that at at all. One of the beautiful things about fanfics is they can require less set up/explanation time so there's more words for characters and plot. So following up with that thought, I would definitely recommend this story to anyone who is familiar with the Harry Potter universe, especially those who love Tom Riddle or dark vibe stories. It is really well written and does a good job taking a story and characters we already know and spinning it into a new entertaining tale. 

**I hope you found value in my review/feedback. It is truly a great story you have going and I wish you the best as you continue to cultivate and grow your story. These are just my opinions and thoughts, so please no worries if you disagree with anything. It is YOUR story to do with exactly as you please. The way you want your story to be, is the best way for your story to be. Please reach out if there's anything else I can help you with.