A Compilation of Some of My Work

My Own Jokes/ Stand up Comedy Skits

Jokes

A man said to his son "If you get a touchdown, we'll go out for drinks." The son said "What happens if I dont?" The man says "Then I'll go out for drinks."

A man is in a bar with his friend. He faces his friend with a botttle in his hand. He says "I'll drink you under the table". His friend takes that as a challenge and begins to drink his own bottle quickly. The man gets under the table and starts drinking his bottle. "What are you doing under there? We're supposed to be racing. You said you'd drink me under the table." The man says "I was talking to the bottle."

A boy asked his mother to buy him two bags of chips from the store. The mother returned with one bag. "Did you forget the other bag, Mom?" She shakes her head no. "Then where are the other chips?" he asks. "In my stomach." she replies.

STAND UP COMEDY BY Dana Young

 It's so funny how some teenage girls be talking. Especially when they be upset about something. Every last word they say is extended. This is something they might say. "Oh my gossssshh, I can't believvvve ittttt. Melisa got arrresssttted. She didn't even do anyyythhhing. She never get in troubbbbllle. Oh my gosssshh. Her mom gone be mmmaaaddd."

It's hilarious. All the time that is put into saying the last words. I guess extending a word is like puting it in italics. I never heard of anyone hitting high notes while they're talking until now. For the Guitar Hero/Rock Band players, you can imagine how long the chords would be for those last words. How is it that they manage to speak in slow motion?

I mean serrriouussllyy. An argument between two girls who speak this way would last a while. They wouldn't even be able to fight until the next day. If you talk to a girl who does this, don't ask for her name. She'll be like "It's Keeyyyyyaaaiirra." By then the plane will be landing. You could walk an older person across the street faster than they can say the last word.

Then there are the teenage boys. Their word of choice is "bad. They say girls are "bad. Meaning they look good. So then that means that good should mean bad. So IF THEY SAY A GIRL LOOKS GOOD THEN THEN they are actually saying she's ugly. But somehow if some boy inserted a "really" before the bad it would sound like an insult. Example: Yo I saw this girl. She looked really bad. She was really bad."

  You know how when you are instant messaging someone or texting people use a lot of acronyms? It's like the people who created this im language was like "Hmm some of these people aren't very good at spelling. Let's make it easy. All they have to do instead of sounding out words is use the first letter of every word."

You can tell when people IM the most because they do it in person too. Some girl may be like " Lol that was too funny, ctfu." I'll be like" Wait a minute, did you just say F- me?" They got to be careful tho. If they say something like this to someone who doesn't im frequently "Btw it is very good." The person might be like, "Btw? Is that a news station?

You know what's funny? Watching cable or tv. directly after going online. Because you still may think you're online. You start looking through the channels. "Oh there's nothing on." First thought that pops into your head "Maybe I'll download a free movie?" Then you start trying to translate movie titles into Acronyms. " I might watch UITA for the millionth time." For those who don't know IM language UITA stands for Up in the Air. That movie with that guy whose name I can't forget because he's always in movies... To be continued......