The Badboy, the Catfish & Me

Thirty

I saw something in Valentino's blue eyes go dim the moment the name slipped from my mouth.

"What?" he repeated, softer.

"I'm sorry. My mom found out that I was playing and wanted me to stop. That's why I haven't been online much—"

"You've gotta be kidding me."

The anger and disbelief in his voice now were like a bullet to my heart. My breath couldn't catch up with my words and emotions, and I gripped my knee before finding my voice again.

"I'm sorry. I really wanted to tell you."

"I..." he stopped. "How?"

"Annok gave me her account," I whispered.

Valentino went stiff at the name, and I felt my heart skip a beat, remembering how he'd confronted Annok at his soccer game. For several moments, Valentino said absolutely nothing. The creeping redness in his neck, coupled with the multiple times he only swallowed, wrenched my heart forward, sideways, and back.

"I did want to tell you at some point," I started again, "but you got along with Tireya so well, and I...I didn't want my parents to know I spent time with you...I thought being Tireya meant I could be your friend without worrying about my parents or religion."

"Are you being serious right now?" Valentino's voice returned to its previous angry tone. "I was talking to you the whole time?"

I sniffled. Valentino opened himself up to Tireya. He trusted Tireya with his life's stories, not me.

"I'm so sorry," I said, and my voice cracked.

Valentino glanced at me, but his expression held no empathy. "I can't believe it. You were playing me from the beginning."

"It's not like that," I pleaded, now gripping the rail of the hospital chair between us. "I didn't know you would send me a friend request in-game that day, and then things just happened from there! I didn't know it would get this messy. I'm so sorry, Valentino, I really am," I repeated, not knowing what else to say.

In answer, Valentino closed his eyes. His brows furrowed as though he had just swallowed a particularly bitter medicine. After a moment, he said, "Maybe you should...just go." His voice was steady, and I knew he had made up his mind.

I wiped my tears away with the back of my sleeve. I glanced in his direction only to find him leaning back in his chair, unmoving and with his eyes still closed. I felt her heart finally shatter as I stood and put my back to him.

By the elevator, I leaned against the wall, hidden from Valentino or any nurse's view. I did it. I came clean to Valentino. Doing what was right hurt, but it was for the best. Stringing Valentino along any longer would've been cataclysmic.

My spine bowed against the wall. It hurt so much to say everything—it hurt so much to receive his answer. My head hurt, my heart hurt, everything hurt. I played with fire by having an online relationship. Now I'm burning. I totally ruined it with Valentino. He hated me now. I was sure of it. At least Valentino's hospital visit wasn't serious. That was a consolation—the only consolation.

I glanced at the elevator. It was about time I left. I sniffled and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. My parents were waiting for me.

The elevator doors opened. My head snapped up at the sight of none other than Elsa, Jamie, and Clara. They were a glittering pop of color in the monotone hallway. I couldn't even step back, cornered against the wall. It wasn't a surprise that they were here. All three were at prom, too, so of course, they'd heard about Valentino's condition.