I'm a toxic person without noticing.
I'm the problem, I am poison.
I'm such a weirdo, still a kid tho...
I understand why my Mom doesn't love me.
How could any person love me...?
I'm selfish and always in a bad mood.
I'm depressed and anxious.
I can't say what I want because I need people to like me, fuck being free.
I could always talk to them but they never really understood.
Why am I like this...?
Talking about shit.
Nobody ever cared tbh.
I can't even sleep at night without background sounds which have to be louder than my thoughts because otherwise I wouldn't find peace.
I'm taking everything without saying a thing because I don't deserve being heard.
Well, nobody would like to listen to my stupid problems either.
I understand it.
I mean why should I feel bad?
I have everything.
I have a bed but I can't sleep.
I have food but I can't eat.
I have a bf but I can't love.
I have a therapist but I can't trust.
I'm useless and I'm never happy.
My family says I'm not grateful enough or I should start praying to God.
I'm sure that'll help a lot...
This isn't about me.
It was never about me.
I'm laying in bed with you, not able to sleep,
writing down what I think.
My head hurts.
I wish I could just die.
I'm the problem.
I should fucking die.
I can't manage talking about my trauma.
And once I do you are mad at me because I talked with them and not with YOU.
Thanks for not being proud of ME for talking.
You're putting me under pressure and you don't even notice.
You start yelling and I tell you to stop but you don't.
I'm shaking and you're still touching me even if I told you you shouldn't.
I told you I had flashbacks and YOU didn't care and then you ask me why I go talk to someone else to get help?
You said you'd do anything for me but you're not doing anything.
What tf did I do to you?
I started feeling better.
I started feeling comfortable.
And you?
You care about yourself. Only yourself.
I told you I'm not comfortable in this relationship and I start getting worse because of it but you keep me around so YOU feel better, no matter how I feel about it.
You're not even listening, I mean, how could you?
You're not getting it.
I need someone to HELP me and not someone to steal my last drops of energy I have in my miserable Body.
You don't care about yourself so you don't care about me too.
I told you I was hungry and you promised me you're going to eat with me, but you didn't.
I told you that I struggle with taking my fucking meds but you didn't even notice if I didn't take them.
What did I do to you?
Why do you hate me so much?!
Stop saying you love me if you can't show me.
But I don't hate you.
That's the problem.
I only hate myself.
Because of you?
I deserve this ig.
I'll just stop showing my feelings to you at all.
I hate having anxiety so much.
My social battery is dead but I can't tell you.
Well... I did tell you.
But did you care?
No. Nothing.
So I started hiding what I feel again.
I don't fucking care anymore.
I'll just do this until I'm completely broken again.
I don't fucking care about anything anymore.
YOU are controlling my life, not me.
I hate everything.
