When Money Isn't Good Enough (Kakuzu Story)

Chapter 19

Ryoshi should have known.

There had been a reason she had remained independent all her life; staying at arms length from everyone around her. Trusting people never got you anywhere in life—you ended up either getting stabbed in the back, betrayed, hurt and upset, without any worldly possessions, and torn up inside about what had happened. Ryoshi had told herself she didn't need any of what someone could offer her in the first place. She didn't need to be protected or taken care of; she earned her own money and owned all her possessions—she didn't need anyone to buy anything for her. She didn't need compliments to feel good about herself, and she didn't need someone to tell them they loved her—or to love them back. All that occurred was that you began to care about that person's opinion, and did what you could to make them happy, when the world didn't work like that. The world was harsh and cruel, and the only way you survived was by being self-sufficient, and affection didn't even begin to come into it.

Or at least...that's what Ryoshi had thought.

She still wasn't about to be all lovey-dovey, true, and would always be independent. Money would remain a huge priority in life, as it got her everything she needed. But it was only through being with Kakuzu that she had realised that it couldn't exactly give her everything she wanted—and hadn't even known she wanted in the first place. It's not as if she could have missed something she had never known about, but then she had come into contact with it...and felt a sense of longing as she did so. All you should rely on was yourself—well, and money. But was it really so bad to feel as if you could rely on another person? That you could feel that they would always be there for you no matter what happened?

Then suddenly the events of the last few minutes came back to her, and Ryoshi clenched her eyes shut.

Yes. It was that bad.

For once in her life she had wanted someone to protect her; for once to not have to always be on guard. The life she led had made her aggressive and antagonistic, but the possibility of being relaxed and untroubled had been desirable. The more she spent time with Kakuzu...the more she had felt he could give that to her. When she spent time talking with him, everything else fell away until it was just the two of them, and the idea of resting in his arms while they did so was one Ryoshi couldn't shake. But what if it wasn't that way at all? He had hired her, after all, and it had been at the request of his leader. The only reason she was there was to help out with their mission, and after it was finished, she would disappear back into the forest as if she had never existed. Maybe if they had met in another situation he would have attacked her to get her bounty; it seemed like he wanted it bad enough. He was probably pissed off at the moment for not being able to. Yet still she had let her guard down around him...maybe even developed feelings for him...

But she couldn't let herself admit that; it only made things worse when he was just biding his time until her usefulness was gone—then it would be a whole new ball game, and one where her life was at risk. One where she no longer mattered to him in the slightest—if she had even mattered to begin with. How could she have let herself get into this situation? She was never like this, and to know she was feeling like this...it strangely scared her. Ryoshi was used to being completely in control of her emotions; no one ever being able to affect them. Now abruptly they were out of control, and she didn't know what to do. She wasn't used to having such strong emotions—let alone in this sort of category! She had to push these thoughts aside and get herself back to how she usually was. There was no way she would be seen to be affected like this.

But what if Kakuzu really didn't like her?

What if he would be fine with trying to kill her after the mission was over?

What if all he had cared about was getting Ryoshi's bounty after all?

And no matter what Ryoshi tried, the big question about Kakuzu's opinion towards her hovered over her head. It didn't exactly help she had been beginning to understand just where her emotions were headed at the moment, and that they were all towards Kakuzu. This was ultimately why she wasn't in the best of moods to fight back and escape as Ketsu's men dragged her off somewhere, finally reaching a building as the sun started to set. Ryoshi remained silent as they continued to move towards it and eventually entered, heading up two sets of stairs and along a corridor before they finally stopped. With a few movements of the men around her, she was then thrown forward, and as she braced herself against the floor, twisting her head to glare over her shoulder, she noted it was a prison cell, and evidently where she was to be staying for an undisclosed period of time.

The guard's gazes quickly dodged hers as they tried to avoid the look in Ryoshi's eyes, and they swiftly shut and locked the door, retreating back into the darkness of the building once it had been completed. The place wasn't anything special—as was to be expected—bare in so many ways, and even more so considering it was the inside of a prison cell. But as Ryoshi turned and sat on the pallet that would serve as her bed, she found more questions filled her mind, causing her to lie down to try and quieten the noise they seemed to make. Would she get out of here? She had given the Akatsuki pretty much all they needed to know; with a bit of work, they could discover Ketsu's location. They could simply leave her behind in this place. Kakuzu would go back to the life he had before, no regrets included. He could act like he was her friend, but could Ryoshi really count on that?

As she stared blankly at the ceiling above her, Ryoshi couldn't come up with an answer to it. Scowling at herself, she quickly sat up again, clenching her eyes shut tightly and placing her hands on her head in frustration. Maybe even sadness at it all she could have handled. She had been trained long ago to deal with emotions like that and push them aside; that ninjas weren't allowed to show emotions, and therefore couldn't reveal how the injury or death of a teammate was affecting her. But it was this confusion that was really getting to her. When it came down to confusion in bounty hunts, confusion in missions...she didn't particularly like it then—but at least in those situations she could do what she could to figure out a solution and then move on from there, satisfied in the knowledge she had gotten an answer out of all of it.

This confusion wasn't the same. All it caused was pure, utter frustration, and a frustration that didn't have a solution—and one she couldn't push away. Anxiety rose up inside of her and she felt like pacing; every time she sat in one position, it didn't feel right, and she just kept turning back and forth. It seemed like there was nowhere she could turn to solve things—whether literally or metaphorically. She wasn't used to emotional problems like this in order to comprehend where she might go from here, or even how to react to what she had heard. What had he meant when he had said all that? Did he really, truly, mean it? Was all he had said been a total lie?

But as Ryoshi's gaze fell to the wall in front of her; she knew one thing for certain as she clenched her fists, a stoic expression flickering over her features:

She wouldn't let him affect her anymore.