jonethan's eyes are so green. emerald green, birch leaves green, flourishing summer grass stretching against the sun-green.
we talk about indie games, deltarune and zelda, and then we switch over to art, which i honestly get a bit defensive about. i know i'm good at it, but it reflects a bit of my soul i rarely show anyone, and even talking about it makes anxiety crawl through my body.
i thought it'd be easier to push these feelings away here in the woods with my friends.
i hoped it'd be easier.
it is the forest, though. it's lush and warm and dry from long summer days with the sun blasting through the crowns of the tall trees. it is home, but it feels like i'm right at the doormat stomping and waiting to get inside.
somehow it feels like jonethan realizes this.
'well, tell me about you then,' i say. 'you're on the football team and you do art. what else?'
'how do you know i do art?'
'i follow your art instagram, and florence used to share a lot of it with me when you two were together.'
he blushes. he really blushes.
'you don't follow me, though,' he says after a couple of seconds.
'well, i stalk you, at least,' i say.
he laughs again. it's an ugly but beautiful laugh. he sounds like a dying duck, but at the same time it's so wholesome and genuinely happy that i can't help but laugh with him.
'do you do anything else than digital art?'
'collages. a lot of them.'
'with newspaper clips and such?'
'with basically everything i find. soda tabs, flowers, sticks.'
i try to picture it. 'that's so cool.'
'thank you!'
'why don't you post it?'
jonethan flicks his gaze away. 'i don't know.'
i decide i won't say anything about it for now, because i know the face he's doing right now. i know it all too well. it's my face planted on another mind. it's the face of panicking at the thought of ever showing my art to someone, it's the claw that grips my heart, wanting to protect what's deep down in there.
