Contaminated Freedom

39.1) New home

Kiyotaka point of view

I had headed out to pick up my sister and Hikari.

After that we would go to his small apartment to start the move, but throughout this trip I was deep in thought.

Why do some people abuse others? Is there any psychological reason?.

It is because of the human ego, which is our nature and prevents us from relating to others and ourselves.

Some realize that they are harming others, children, the elderly or other people whom they perceive as their prey, simply because they enjoy such abuse. They feel the pleasure of control that gives them satisfaction.

The pleasure of being superior.

Nothing can take them out of their need for control. We see abusive tendencies emerging, even in well-educated and caring people, who could have been philanthropic their entire lives and suddenly can't hold back anymore and explode. It's usually because they feel like no one can control them and express their own control.

There is no end to such increases taking place, until the ego, the desire for benefit at the expense of others, is reversed: the desire to connect positively with others, above the harmful impulses of the ego.

Furthermore, we can expect more and more incidents of this type to occur, since the human ego constantly grows, demands more and more satisfaction, if we do not achieve this transformation.

But something worried me.

What would become of Kei?

Would she also like the taste of being superior?

To abuse others.

I did not know.

But what she did know was that she had also liked to feel superior to Yuuki.

I think it's normal to feel satisfaction for being superior to someone, I just hope it doesn't go to your head.

I got out of the car while walking towards the school where the girls were.

Unfortunately it started to rain.

But..

If people feel satisfaction for being superior to others.

Why not me?

"God complex"

I still remember what I said to that boy.

"I am god"

I am not god.

But maybe, I'm the closest thing to him.

All my plans.

All my actions.

They always go according to plan, everything proceeds according to plan and ends according to plan.

But I..

I can't stand that...

There is no change, a different emotion, it is always the established result.

Maybe that's why my life lacks emotion, if I always know how everything will turn out.

It's hard to let go of control over everything.

Everything was different at camp...

All along there were astonishingly terrifying moments where you didn't know the outcome, where your life was at stake, where the excitement of uncertainty palpated my insides day and night.

I miss that feeling of not taking anything for granted.

It seems that the more I try something new, the dimmer the fire becomes and the waves sink back into the ocean...