Secrets || VKOOK (ON HOLD)

Chapter 3

When they arrived home, Jungkook helped Taehyung out of the car and into the house. Taehyung's legs felt like jelly, and he was grateful for Jungkook's strong arms around him. They made their way to the bedroom, and Jungkook helped him into bed, tucking him in with a gentle kiss on the forehead. "Rest," he said, his voice filled with unspoken worry.

"Aren't you coming in bed with me?" Taehyung asked, his eyes already drooping with fatigue. Jungkook hovered by the door, looking torn.

"I'll be right outside, okay?" Jungkook promised, his voice thick with concern. "I just need to grab something." He turned off the lights, leaving the room bathed in the soft glow of the moon through the window.

Taehyung nodded, his eyes closing as the weariness of the day settled heavily upon him. The quiet hum of the house was a comforting lullaby, and he felt his body begin to relax into the cool embrace of the sheets. He listened as Jungkook's footsteps retreated down the hallway, the sound of a drawer opening and closing, and then the gentle thud of the door to the living room.

The stillness of the night was a stark contrast to the chaos of the emergency room, and Taehyung took a deep, shaky breath, feeling his chest tighten. He tried to ignore the ever-present throb in his chest, the reminder of his condition that seemed to pulse in sync with the fear he'd been carrying around all day. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was living on borrowed time, that every moment could be his last.

He suddenly remembered his diary, the one place where he'd recorded his deepest thoughts and fears about his condition. It was hidden under his pillow, a secret he'd kept from Jungkook all these years. Taehyung reached for it with trembling hands, feeling the cool leather cover beneath his fingertips. He flipped through the pages, reading his own words from when he was first diagnosed with CAD. The words were raw, filled with the pain of a child who'd just learned his heart wasn't like everyone else's.

Then he came across a page titled "wishlist" with 25 lists of things he wanted to do before his condition worsened. It was a tradition he had started when he was first told that CAD could shorten his life. At the top of the list was "fall in love." A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he thought of Jungkook. He had achieved that wish, and so much more. But the smile faded as he scanned the rest of the items, so many of which remained unchecked.

1. Arcade
2. Visit zoo
3. Write a song that makes someone cry
4. Hold hands with Jungkook without fear of letting go
5. Road trip and make love in the car
6. Play the piano in front of a crowd
7. Pull an all nighter
8. Travel to England
9. Cook a full course meal for Jungkook
10. Adopt a pet together
11. Stargazing
12. Go to a rich restaurant and eat there
13. Swim in the ocean
14. Build a snowman
15. Dance in the rain
16. Have a picnic in the field and make love there
17. Paint
18. Visit an art museum
19. Make love all day
20. Make a snow angel
21. Dinner with my family and Jungkook's
22. Go to the movies and make love there
23. Make love for the last time
24. Hold a baby and feel the warmth of new life
25. Tell Jungkook the truth about my heart.

The last item on the list hit him like a ton of bricks. He had always intended to tell Jungkook, but the fear of losing him had kept the secret locked away. Now, as he lay in the darkness, listening to Jungkook's muffled movements from the other room, Taehyung knew he couldn't put it off any longer.

He knew he's never going to get a suitable donor so he will do all the things on the list with Jungkook now. He couldn't bear the thought of Jungkook finding out after he's gone. When the time is right, he will tell him but for now, he wanted to create as many happy memories as he could.

Taehyung tucked the diary back under his pillow and took a deep breath, willing his heart to steady its erratic rhythm. Jungkook entered the room, his eyes scanning the darkness before landing on Taehyung's form in the bed. He sat down on the edge of the mattress, his weight causing the bed to dip slightly.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Jungkook whispered, his voice barely audible in the quiet room. Taehyung could feel the warmth of his hand as it reached out to rest on his shoulder.

Taehyung laid his head on Jungkook's chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath his cheek. "I can't sleep without you beside me," he confessed softly. Jungkook's arms tightened around him, and Taehyung felt a rush of love and fear.

"Okay let me change first then we can cuddle," Jungkook said, standing up. He disappeared into the bathroom, the sound of running water and the rustle of clothes filling the air. Taehyung waited, his heart racing faster than it should be, the secret weighing heavily on his chest.

When Jungkook climbed into bed, Taehyung felt the warmth of his body envelop him, the comfort of his strong arms around him. "I'm here," Jungkook murmured, his breath tickling Taehyung's ear. Taehyung's eyes filled with tears he didn't dare shed, not yet.

"Where did you go?" Taehyung asked as Jungkook settled into the bed, his voice a whisper in the darkness.

"Just went to buy some aspirin in case you have chest pain again," Jungkook replied, his hand brushing against Taehyung's forehead to push a lock of hair away. His touch was gentle, soothing. "How are you feeling?"

Taehyung took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his decision. "I'm okay," he lied, his voice a mere thread of sound. He didn't want to burden Jungkook with his fears tonight. Not yet.

Jungkook pulled him closer, his embrace a sanctuary from the storm of thoughts raging within Taehyung. They lay there in silence for a while, the only sounds the soft breaths they shared and the distant tick of the clock on the wall. Taehyung could feel Jungkook's heart beating steadily against his back, a rhythm that seemed to say everything was going to be alright.

Taehyung lifted his head and found Jungkook already asleep. He placed a chaste and delicate kiss on Jungkook's cheek, his heart heavy with the unspoken words that lingered between them. He knew he had to tell Jungkook the truth, but the fear of losing him was a monster he wasn't ready to face. He stared at the ceiling, his mind racing through the items on his list, and he made a silent promise to live each day to the fullest, to check off each box with Jungkook by his side.

❊

-lxnnie