Scripted

Chapter 1

Everything is scripted.

Okay. Not everything. I mean, we love each other, that's 100% true. It's not fake love... Lol. Okay sorry, that was a bad joke. All the fun and the leg-pulling, and the us-knowing-everything-about-each-other is also true. And that we're each other's pillars of support and that we're one team, one soul, we share some brain cells, and Jin hyung is the best older brother AND World Wide Handsome, and RM is the best leader, and Suga hyung is the best producer, and Hoseok hyung is the best dancer, and Jimin is short, and Taehyung is the most handsome face in the world even without makeup...yes yes all that is true.

Sorry. Jimin hyung is short, I meant (and also the most hardworking person I ever met, but he doesn't need to know).

Aish. Me and my big mouth.

So okay, guess I started this wrong. What I mean is that all these ships that you guys are so fond of - and write so many fan fictions on, and create fan art on, and make videos on, and I don't even know what else you do - are all based on the interactions you see on camera, or when you spot us being secretly public, right? That, all of that is scripted, you guys. It's not real.

I don't know why you guys think that we are unaware of the fact that the camera is recording all of our moves. Why would you think that we're stupid? I mean, okay, I know that's not what you think. But I'm just saying that, we know ok, you guys, we know that there are cameras on us all the time. So if, for instance, (or as you love to imagine) I am in love with my bandmate, why would I show it on camera if I am not even out of the closet or when I am at the peak of my career? When I know we live in a homophobic world, and I have restrictions on me as an idol, and I owe it to my group and my other members to do everything in my power to keep things going well?

In short, the interactions that you base your fan fiction and videos and whatnot on, are all scripted.

Especially when it comes to me and Tae, or me and Jimin. Jimin hyung. Ugh.

I mean, it wasn't so scripted in the beginning. It all started when Tae and I got close as the two youngest members of this group. We truly are the best of friends. And no, the story about him bringing me out of my shell is not false. He really has had a huge role to play in the process of me opening up, and in the process, he's become one of the most important people in my life. It's not untrue that he is my favourite person in the world, and the one I am closest to, among the members. All seven of us are close, very close. But Tae and I are partners in crime. Fuck I didn't even know I wanted to be a partner in crime with someone until he came along. Getting into trouble together was so much fun. He literally turned my lonely childhood into a fun one. I owe him that, big time.

Coming back to the story (I always tend to get distracted when I start talking about Taehyungie hyung), people loved seeing the two of us together, our crackhead energy, the natural chemistry we both share, and that seemed to give our producers the idea to build this into something more. They started putting the two of us together more, and unknown to us, captured us being goofy with each other - it was the natural reaction of ours then, that got caught on camera then. I mean, Tae and I have our own language, we sometimes don't even have to speak to understand each other, and back then we were always up to some mischief or the other (okay, yes, we still are). So that got shot. And we became so popular that slowly we started getting instructions from the production team - random touches, staring contests, acting jealous if anyone else hung around the other too much, getting lost in our own world while the others were speaking, and so on.

Not that we didn't do these things normally. I mean that's why it looked so natural and I sometimes can't even blame you for thinking we're more than friends (but we're not). At the dorm also we were all over each other all the time, play fighting or just getting so involved in our secret language while the others were discussing something else. And okay, sometimes I tend to stare at him - like, how can a boy be so beautiful, you know? That's what I keep wondering. That's all there's to it.

I just follow the company's instructions y'all. And with Tae, it's easy to do. I mean, would you find it difficult to stare at the most beautiful face in the world? No, right! Exactly. Such a pretty face, that one.

You don't believe me, do you? You think I'm trying to hide my relationship with Taehyungie hyung? Say here's the thing. First, you don't know anything about the relationship him and I share, because it's strictly off-camera. I know I've said it before, and I will say it again. It's too precious for me to share with the whole world. Second, the glimpses that you do see, we know you will be seeing them, so that's that, remember it. And third, I am a very private person, and we'd never show it even if we were dating, and just to be clear, we're not. Why am I getting hyper you ask? Put yourself in my position and you'll know.

See, these theories got to such a level, that then the company fucking thought of introducing drama into our supposed love story .

Now I had to act lovey-dovey with Jimin-ssi as well, sharing skinship and moments that would make it seem like I was over Tae or some such shit. Made me look like the international casanova that I am not ! Damn, that got so tough on me. Still does.

Jimin-ssi is a good friend of mine, he treats me like his younger brother. And he's a good actor, no matter what he likes to say. And I am not. I cannot lie (you know that). He could easily turn on his charms for the camera but I had a hard time because we were not like that off cam. It's why Jimin's actions seem over-the-top with me on camera whenever it is factored into the script. Like when they made us both go to Japan without Tae? That was the worst. Tae doesn't mind, he is a sweetheart. But Jimin and I were livid. It was Tae who calmed us down saying we got to do what we got to do. I understand that the obsession with Tae and me got to a point that needed intervention (and people even blamed us for it for being so obvious on camera!!!), but this was a low blow. I don't like travelling without the little bear... I..mean, Taehyung...ie hyung.

Ohh and don't get me started on the hate comments for both Tae and Jimin. Like what the fuck? Write fan fictions for all I care, don't spew hate. It's disgusting.

Speaking of now. Now it's like, one day the focus is Taekook, and another day the focus is Jikook, and I am caught in the middle and I really don't like it. Its fucking exhausting. They're my friends. Ugh. The only good thing about it was that they let Tae and I spend more time together on set. But once the Jikook drama started, they spent a lot of time separating us. It got me frustrated and angry. And quite sad at a point when I saw how hard Tae took it. He's an amazing actor, but his eyes show how vulnerable he feels.

Anyway, why am I ranting? Cuz I've had enough. They want to film me during In The Soop, saying how distant Tae and I have become over the years, and how sad it makes me feel and all that shit about us being awkward with each other and I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS!! But I have to, it seems. I have never ever ever been distant from Kim Taehyung from the time I set my eyes on him. So much so that Jin hyung was a tad bit jealous initially, before we together drove him up the wall. But 'we gotta do what we gotta do' I guess.

So yeah. I'm ranting. And getting really worked up. But can I even post this anywhere? Nope. Nope, the fuck I can't. I'll just keep the recording. For future use (don't ask me what future use, do I seem like I know?)

Only V hyung can calm me down it seems. Let me go and find him then. Should've just done that instead of recording this stupid thing. Well.

Bye.