Bloom and Destruction (ACOTAR - Elain + Azriel)

Chapter 30

Cassian

I walk up the steps of the Spring Court manor, the door swings open before I can even raise my hand to knock. Azriel stands before me, a pair of cotton pants hanging on his hips with a bare chest. Right between his pectoral muscles sat a new burn mark, fresh. He steps aside, motioning me to come in. He leads me silently through the house to his study. He closes the door behind us and sighs.

I sit at his desk and pour myself a glass of amber liquid. I pour him a glass as he takes the seat next to me, not behind the desk. He grabs the glass and downs it in one gulp, gesturing for another. I glance around, noticing the absence of his shadows.

      "What happened?" I finally ask my brother as he leans back in his seat, swirling around his bow full glass.

      "I yelled at her for not coming to breakfast," he sighs. "I'd come back from the Night Court just before sunrise, her magic was all throughout the house, like Rhys' used to," he takes a swig from his glass. "I ran to the room to wake her from a nightmare and... she pushed me and she must've shot magic at me and burned me," he motions to the mark on his chest. "She shot me across the room. I went back to her and held her while she cried for an hour. I held her and consoled her and let her know she was safe. I followed her to the garden, the shadows circled us for a few hours just so I could make sure she was safe. Olivette came to tell us breakfast was ready, she said she wasn't hungry and I..." he runs a hand through his hair. "I told her she wasn't going to waste away on these grounds like Feyre did."

      I let out a loose breath and sip my drink. "Have you spoken to her?" I dare to ask.

      Azriel shakes his head. "She sent Olivette to tell me she was going to a nearby town. I had the shadows follow her."

      I cock my head to the side, looking down at my drink before finishing it off. "How's your chest feel?"

      "Like shit," he laughs. I chuckle as I pour us both another drink. "I..."

       I look up at him below raised brows. "You...?"

      He rubs both of his hands over his face. "I want to go home," he whispers so quietly, I barely caught it.

      "This will become home," I reassure my brother. "You know you and Elain will make this home."

       He rolls his eyes, finishing off his third drink. "Last one," he shoves his glass toward me. I shrug, as if to say the fuck do I care. "I... don't deserve this, Cassian," he mumbles. "I don't deserve to be High Lord. My place is serving a Lord and Lady. Not married to one, not be the High Lord."

      My eyes shift from his face to behind him, where Elain stood in the doorway. Azriel turns in his seat, his eyes wide. Elain just walks away without a single word or breath.

      "Oh fuck sake," Azriel groans, pushing himself off the chair.

       I place a hand on his shoulder and push him back down. "Stay here. Let her come to you. Do not push her, do not go in angry. If there's anything I learned," I suck in a breath. "It's don't push an Archeron woman when she's already mad at you."

Elain

       I make my way down the hall, hearing Azriel's voice coming from his study. I quietly push open the door to see him and Cassian sitting next to each other, both with a glass of alcohol in their hands.

       "I don't deserve to be High Lord. My place is serving a Lord and Lady. Not married to one, not be the High Lord." Azriel's voice cracks.

      Cassian's eyes meet mine and Azriel turns to follow his gaze. I see Azriel's eyes go wide before turning on my heels and walking down the hall. I stomp my way back to the garden and pick a sapphire blue rose, one I'd just planted before looking for him. The bush I'd gone back to a nearby village to buy after seeing it the first day Azriel and I walked through to give our residents gold.

I stalk back to the study, the single rose's thorns slicing through my fingers. I push open the door again. Azriel and Cassian stare at me, a cautiously look in their eyes. I make my way to Azriel and throw the rose at him, a single tear slipping down my cheek.

"If you think you don't deserve any of this, I'm sorry. I am so fucking sorry for you," I laugh as I lift a hand to wipe away my tears. "If you can't see how much you are actually worth, I feel so terrible for you. After what you did for me this morning, after sending the shadows out into the land to guard me in the garden, after you trying your damndest to get me to eat, or sending the shadows to follow me... if you can't see how good you are, I feel sorry for you."

His eyes lower to the rose in his lap. "It matches my siphons," he whispers. "You planted roses that match my siphons?" He looks up at me.

I laugh bitterly. "Yes, Azriel. I went out of my way today to buy a bush I saw last week, one that reminded me of you. Because I love you. You are a good male, but if you think you're not and I don't make you feel like you're worthy of the world at your feet, I'm sorry," I say the apology in a whisper.

Cassian looks from me, to Azriel, and back to me. Azriel stares at me with wide eyes, his mouth slightly ajar. "Elain," he stands from his seat and stumbles when he tries to take a step.

I shake my head. "You can sit here, you can wallow in the pity you muster up from your brother. But when you're ready to be the man I know you are, I'll be in my study preparing for tomorrow's meeting."