Relentlessly Yours [Completed]

Chapter 42

I didn't wallow in sadness and broken heart like what my parents and everyone expected me to.

Dalawang araw matapos ang pag-alis ni Kai sa buhay ko ay bumalik sa normal ang lahat.

My paintings have all been framed and are ready. My exhibit has been finalized.

Kuya Nate and Calum were home and we dined like a one big happy family.

Silver went home and we had a girls' weekend getaway in the Siquijor island. And then soon after, Silver's bestfriend Arthur joined us and we all had a fun time. We partied with the locals and fellow tourists and then we got drunk in the beach.

Leyton and his wife seemed to be happy together.

Calum seemed to start to let Atasha go.

I've been spending some time with my mother.

My dad and I went on a quick hike in the Mountain Province.

I laughed, conversed, giggle, smiled but I felt empty inside.

Araw-araw kong kinukumbinsi ang sarili ko na ito ang nakabubuti para sa akin. Sa aming dalawa.

I pondered on everything Kai said and I realized he was right.

I was a leaver. I left every chance I got. Kahit konting rason ay umaalis ako. I can blame all those times on my childhood and teenage trauma of people in general leaving me but it doesn't change the fact that I've become the problematic one.

Because Kai is right. I may love him and I may go to the ends of the world for him but there's one thing I'm incapable of doing; trusting him.

I didn't trust him. I didn't trust anyone. And to be completely honest, I don't trust myself, too.

Despite knowing he loves me and only has eyes for me, I kept doubting him. I kept on waiting for him to mess up. For something bad to happen. And when it did, I left without a backward glance.

No matter how much Kai proved his love, my automatic response was be skeptical about it and turn it away. Despite his efforts, I couldn't see past my abandonment issues.

I realized that it was not Kai's fault that I'm hurting this time.

It was mine.

I realized how most of my sufferings could have been prevented if I wasn't so insecure about myself and so untrusting with people.

It was normal to protect yourself from people that hurt you. Ang hindi normal ay ang itulak ang mga taong nagmamahal sa iyo palayo.

Kung sana ay nag-demand nalang ako ng paliwanag bago ako umaalis. Kung sana ay nagtanong nalang ako kung may problema ang mga tao sa akin. Kung sana ay mas naging bukas ako sa pakikipag-usap sa iba. Kung sana...

Shit, puro nalang kung sana.

I realized just how self-absorbed I had been. How I thought the world revolved around me. How I intentionally excluded myself from my friends and my loved ones.

How I never gave people a chance to be just a normal human being and make mistakes with me. How I never gave anyone a chance to explain or speak their minds with me. I saw things in my own persoective and leave it at that.