Unlucky

Part 5

If Mr Choi could hear the thoughts inside Taehyung's head, he would have laughed out loud.

"Hyung, I don't think I will be able to take admission into your college"

Jeongguk told him over the phone one day

"Are you not getting your chosen subjects here, Ggukie?"

"Umm... I don't want to lie to you"

"Meaning?"

"I... See hyung... Sir... I mean Mr Choi always wanted me to study Chemistry. I told you right?"

"Yeah... so he can help you"

"Yeah. But I don't think I will stick to the sciences. They give me a lot of stress hyung. So, I... I'm thinking of taking up English... So, so I can do something with my writing in the future..."

Taehyung frowned. He had never heard such hesitation in Jeongguk's voice before. He was so unsure of himself

"I think that's wonderful Ggukie. You're gifted. And you must pursue it. I too, didn't stick to the sciences, did I? I think it's a great decision, playing to your strengths"

"You... you think so?"

"I believe so"

"Wow. Thanks, hyung. You make me feel better about this decision"

"You were feeling bad about it?"

"No...no...Not really about the decision. But it hurt Sir, umm... Mr Choi so bad. He cried. And he didn't speak to me for days. And I felt horrible for letting him down. But I...hyung...I don't think I can cope with the sciences anymore"

Taehyung's heart was breaking with every single word he heard. This was so wrong. On so many levels. But it was between them. And he was an outsider.

"I'm sure he'll come around Gguk. He'd want to see you happy. I feel it's a good decision... I mean that's my personal take on it. Not... not that I am going against him or anything"

"No, I know. I know you know me"

"But Ggukie, my college is quite known for its English department. I didn't make the cut. But I'm sure you will"

"Hyung... Umm... That's the thing... I already let him down once. I... I don't want to, again. By choosing specifically the college he doesn't want me to enroll in"

"Mr Choi doesn't want you to enroll to my college?"

"Just that it's quite far from my place. And his place. And that will mean I will get to spend lesser time with him. It makes him sad"

"Ohh. I see"

"You're not sad, are you?"

"Doesn't matter Gguk. As long as you're happy with your decision."

"You. I know you're feeling bad. Shit. I didn't want to hurt you"

"Not hurt. You're happy right?"

"I... I guess. I will miss him a lot when I don't get to see him every day in school"

"Then that's all that matters"

Only Taehyung's pillow and the darkness surrounding him that night knew how much it mattered to him.

This conversation changed something in Taehyung. He knew he had been completely replaced in Jeongguk's life. Maybe not replaced. Maybe Mr Choi was someone of much greater importance. The level of importance that Taehyung would never reach for anyone. Because he wasn't worth it. He accepted it. He'd be around if Jeongguk wanted him. But he wouldn't intrude. Not anymore.