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n i n e t e e n

The week leading up to our vacation passes in a blur, but there is something different this time. It's like a tension, an unspoken weight hanging between Kenan and me, and no matter how hard I try to shake it off, it lingers. I have been waiting for him to come back from Germany, hoping we could return to the way things were. And it was like how things were before for a short time. But now, as we pack our bags and prepare for the trip, I cannot help but Wonder if it's too late for that.

Kenan has been in full-on planning mode, throwing himself into the idea of a perfect vacation. He has been secretive about the destination, dropping hints but refusing to give me the full picture. But despite the excitement, I can feel the distance growing between us. Or I am just overthinking, as always. Something is off, and it's been that way since he got back.

On the morning we are set to leave, I wake up to Kenan already dressed and packed, pacing the room like a man on edge. He smiles when he sees me, but it doesn't quiet reach his eyes. Weird.

"You Ready?" he asks, his tone light but lacking it's usual warmth.
I nod, forcing a smile. "Yeah. You still haven't told me where we're going."

"You will find out soon enough," he says, avoiding eye contact as he busies himself with checking his phone. It's become a habit lately-checking notifications , dealing with media stories about us, reading through endless hate comments. Some of them were also nice ones. It's exhausting, and I can tell it's wearing him down.

By noon, we are on the road to the airport. I glance over at Kenan as he drives , but he is quiet, lost in thought. Weird, once again. The silence between us is heavy, I want to ask him what is wrong, why he's been so distant lately, but I don't. Maybe I am afraid of the answer.
When we finally arrive at the airport and check in, I see the destination printed on our boarding passes: Santorini,Greece. I gasp, genuinely surprised.

"Santorini? Really?" I ask, glancing at him.
He nods,his smile still not quiet reaching his eyes. "Yeah. Thought it would be a good destination."

I laugh, trying to inject some lightness into the moment. "It's perfect, I have always wanted to go." But Kenan doesn't respond. He is already back to scrolling through his phone, checking messages, reading who knows what. I swallow the disappointment rising in my throat. This isn't how I imagined our reunion would feel.

When we arrive in Santorini, the beauty of the island almost makes me forget the growing tension between us. The sun sets as we pull up to our private villa - of course - casting a warm glow over the white washed buildings and deep blue sea. Its breathtaking, but instead of feeling a rush of excitement, I just feel tired... Kenan stands beside me on the balcony, the breeze ruffling his fluffy hair as he stares out at the horizon. His arm is around me, but his mind seems miles away.

"You okay?" I ask him concerned,softly.
He nods,but there is a hesitation. What the hell was going on with him? "Yeah, just thinking. Sorry."

"About what?"
He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Everything. The media, the comments, football. I dont know, Mine. It feels like we can't get a break. Even here, I feel like they're watching us."

I frown, the knot in my chest tightening. "But we are here to get away from all that, right?"
"I know," he says,finally meeting my eyes. "But it doesn't just go away. I can't just switch it off."

I bite my lip, frustration bubbling beneath the surface. "You think I don't feel the same way? Im the one who lost her job over this, Kenan. I am the one who's constantly being dragged in the headlines because of who Im dating. It's not just about you."

"I didnt say it was," he snaps, the tension finally breaking through. "But you don't understand what it's like for me either. Football is my life. And now people are saying Im distracted, that Im not focused because of us. Do you know what that feels like?"

The words hit me hard, and I feel a sharp sting of hurt. "So what? You regret this? You regret us? Is that what you are trying to say?"
He closes his eyes, clearly trying to rein in his emotions. "No. That's not what Im saying. But this - this is harder than I thought it would be. I...I tried to overplay it, tried to not mind that much."

We sit in silence for a long moment, the weight of the situation pressing down on us. I can feel the cracks starting to form, the uncertainty creeping in. Maybe we have been too naive, thinking we could weather this storm without it affecting us.
Finally, Kenan breaks the silence. "Maybe we just need more time. To figure things out, I mean. This trip will help, right?"
I nod, but Im not sure I believe it. Can a few days in paradise really fix what's happening between us? Or are we just delaying the inevitable?

The next day, we try to immerse ourselves in the island, exploring its hidden gems and soaking in the sun. But the tension from the night before lingers, and every interaction feels strained. Even the simplest conversations seem loaded with unspoken feelings.
At lunch, we sit at a small taverna by the water, but neither of us really enjoying it. My boyfriend keeps checking his phone, and I am too caught up in my own thoughts to engage. The silence between us deafening.

Just as I'm about to say something, Kenans phone buzzes again. He frowns, reading the screen, and I can tell it's more bad news.

Great. "What now?" I ask, my patience wearing thin.

"Another article," he mutters. Of course, another article, what else? "They're saying Im more focused on you than on my career. That I have lost my edge."

I grit my teeth. I am getting sick of this shitty media. "And that is my fault?"

"I didn't say that." He snaps, his voice sharp.

"But that's what it feels like," I fire back, unable to hold it in any longer.
"Every time something goes wrong, it's because of me,right? Because I am the distraction."

Kenan looks at me,his expression softening, but it's too late. The damage is done and I cannot calm myself down right now.

"Mine, I didn't mean it like that."

"No you did." I say, standing up abruptly. "You just don't want to admit it."

He watches me go, but he doesn't follow. And for the first time, I wonder if this relationship is really strong enough to survive everything we are facing.
That night, the air between us is cold. We share the same bed but feel miles apart. I lie awake, staring at the ceiling, replaying the argument over and over in my head. The hurt, the frustration, the overwhelming sense of doubt — it's all there, and I don't know how to make it go away.

I glance over at Kenan, who's turned away from me, his breathing steady but shallow. I want to reach out, to fix this but something holds me back. Did I overreact maybe? Maybe it's the fear that we're already too far gone.

And as the hours pass, I realize I'm not sure if a vacation can fix us. Maybe nothing can. How did this even develop? A few days ago everything was okay.