Jasmine and Fate: Tangled Vows

2. Inner turmoils

Kelum's pov

It's only 10am and this is a nightmare. How do I survive this day? That is the only thought, that has been playing on a loop in my head since I woke up this morning. We had just finished the Poruwa ceremony and we were led into the ballroom where the reception was held – our reception.

A shiver ran through my spine as I thought of those two words. Never had I dreamt of dealing with a situation such as the one I'm in right now. My bride, Sanda sits beside me in the decorated divan which was located at the center front of the ballroom giving us a panaromic view of the wedding party. The guests who had arrived, are chattering and catching up on their lives. The men have gone to join the drinking party while the ladies and kids fill the ballroom with their giggles and laughter and ofcourse gossip.

I sneak a glance sideways at Sanda who seemed to have been observing the crowd just like I have. She had the glass of lemonade, that was served to us, in her left hand while she fiddled with one of her swan necklaces in the right. I quickly return my gaze to the ballroom, praying that I wasn't caught. The awkward silence is deafening between us, making me very uncomfortable. But I'm careful not to make a sound. We stare at the ballroom, watching the guests laugh and mingle. Every laugh and cheer felt as if someone had grabbed a hold of my insides and playing tug of war. The sound of glasses clinking, echoed inside my ears, an echo of the uncertainties Im faced with.

Soon I notice amma walking towards us with Sanda's amma. They gesture for us to come to the table where the Marriage Registrar is seated. I glance at Sanda and notice a mirrored unease on her face, and then suddenly our eyes meet for a split second. She was trying her best to hide her discomfort behind a mask of practiced smiles. Her eyes holds mine for an extra moment before quickly looking away.

As soon as we stand up from the divan, the wedding photographer, his assistant, the videographer, my parents, her parents and a couple of other guests start to gather around, all moving along with us towards the Registrar. I manage to plaster a smile on my face. I wonder if anybody can tell how fake it really is.

The photographer and the videographer hurries ahead of us and poses in positions near the little table where the marriage registrar is seated. She stands up when she sees us approaching. As we are closer, I notice that the official is a woman who looks like she's in her mid - 50s, elegantly dressed in a well pressed beige Osariya with a beaded pearl necklace adorning her neck. The round rimmed spectacles perched on the top of her nose, makes her look elderly and respectable. She smiles at the two of us, gesturing us to sit. She also greets the Mr. Malcom Jayawickrama and Mrs. Manel Walisundara who are our witnesses.

My hand trembles slightly when I reached for the pen. Signing the marriage contract felt like a finality, sealing my fate, forever tying me down. I look down at the certificate intently, the weight of my decisions pressing heavily down on me. Each stroke of the pen, a brutal stab at my yearning heart.

From now on I'm married and I have a wife. The carefree life of my boyish days are gone and soon I'll be burdened with the weight of being a husband. I wonder what is going inside Sanda's mind while she remains smiling. My heart grieves as the witnesses add the final touches, completing our legal union.

The Marriage Registrar maintains her calm composition, contrasting the wrecking storm that is brewing inside me. She then rises and asks Sanda to repeat after her,

"පීරිස් මුදියන්සේලාගේ සඳ එරංගි පීරිස් වන මම, මෙහි සිටින අත්තනායක මුදියන්සේලාගේ කැළුම් බණ්ඩාර අත්තනායක යන අය, අද සිට මගේ නීත්‍යානුකූල ස්වාමිපුරුෂයා ලෙස බාර ගැනීමට, දිවුරා පොරොන්දු වෙමි. "

(English - I, Peiris Mudiyanselage Sanda Erangi Peiris pledge to take Aththanayake Mudiyanselage Kelum Bandara Aththanayake as my lawfully wedded husband.)

Obediently Sanda follows suit, but as I watch her closely, I notice her unease and a sense of uncertainity in her voice. I wonder whether it was my imagination or if it is happening for real. I wonder if Sanda was faced with the same storm that is crushing me.

Hearing Sanda repeat the testimonial aloud, sends chills down my spine. This is really happening. My heart thumps with increasing speed, a cool layer of sweat dampens my forehead. This is the real deal. There is no turning back from it. Aggravated, I take a quick look at my parents' smiling faces. Their joy a complete contrast to my inner turmoil. I then look at Sanda who has just finished her line. The finality of the vows Sanda just read, hit me hard, amplifying the sense of being trapped in a situation I never wanted to be in.

For a moment, I freeze, unable to move a muscle. But the registrar turns to face me now. She smiles gently at me, hoping to ease my nerves, oblivious to the invading thoughts in my mind. She probably thinks it's wedding jitters, but if only that were true.

I nod slightly, urging her to carry on nonetheless. I'm helpless, unable to voice my disagreement. So she reads from the document she carries, reading chunk by chunk, allowing me to repeat after her.

"අත්තනායක මුදියන්සේලාගේ කැළුම් බණ්ඩාර අත්තනායක වන මම, මෙහි සිටින පීරිස් මුදියන්සේලාගේ සඳ එරංගි පීරිස් යන අය, අද සිට මගේ නීත්‍යානුකූල  භාර්යාව ලෙස බාර ගැනීමට, දිවුරා පොරොන්දු වෙමි."

(English - I, Aththanayake Mudiyanselage Kelum Bandara Aththanayake pledge to take Peiris Mudiyanselage Sanda Erangi Peiris as my lawfully wedded wife.)

There it's done. Sanda Erangi Peiris is officially my wife. No, She's now Mrs. Sanda Erangi Attanayake. 

The rest of the ceremony amidst the happy chatter, the beating of the drums and congratulating guests, pass by me vaguely. As my hands extend forward to accept the wishes on my 'happy' marriage, a force a smile at them. My mind, however is clouded by several badgering feelings. The anger that I had kept suppressed seem to reach me now. My fists clench tightly in response. I couldnt shake off the thought of the woman I had failed to find. I wish I had found her in my desperate search, her absense a gaping wound. The several failed attempts at finding her did no justice to my heart which stood steadfast in the search. But I was also angry at my own inadequacy in the quest.

As the reality of the new life that chose me settled in, heavy and unwelcome, I wonder where she is. I wonder if she was even alive, my heart sighs with melancholy.

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Hey hey!!
Im back with the new epsiode as promised. What do you think of Kelum? What do you think of Sanda?

What do you think of the story so far? I'm ofcourse quite in love with it.
Anyways do vote and comment. Don't forget to comment a 😍 if you enjoyed!!
Love you all.