Between Us

Chapter 34

Alianna

No matter what I do, I can't get last night out of my mind. The way she touched me... she knew exactly what she was doing to me as she massaged my thighs.

What would have happened if I'd just turned around? Would she have taken my body the way I've fantasized she would?

I bite down on my lip as I think back to the way she teased me. She played my body expertly, slowly pushing me further and further while pretending to do nothing but massaging, until I couldn't hold on anymore.

I run a hand through my hair and clench my thighs, trying my best to keep my mind off Max and failing miserably. With each passing day, I crave her more.

A soft knock sounds on my door, and I look up in surprise.

"Alianna?" A chill runs down my spine when Crystal walks into my office, "Hi," she says softly. She hesitates for a moment before walking over to the seat in front of my desk.

She sits down opposite me and smiles.

"Hi," I repeat, my response is delayed.

Crystal looks exhausted and heartbroken, more so than I've ever seen her look before, and it fills me with overwhelming guilt.

"I'm sorry," she says, her voice so soft that I nearly missed it.

"I... I should've come to see you sooner, Ali. I haven't been in a good state of mind recently. I guess it took me a bit of time to think everything through, you know? When I walked away from Max, I just... I guess I didn't quite realize what I was doing. I'd postponed the wedding so many times, and I'd gotten away with it. I thought it'd be the same this time," I look down at my lap and inhale deeply.

"But it wasn't."

"No," she says.

"It wasn't," I force myself to look up and face her, "I told you, Sis. I begged you to reconsider."

"I know. I know, Ali. What do you want me to say? That you were right?"

I shake my head and look away, "No, Crystal. Of course not."

"You're mad at me too, aren't you?"

I bite down on my lip and shake my head, "I was, initially. Now? I don't even know how I'm feeling now. I guess I'm just hurt and disappointed. You may have broken Max's heart, Crystal, but you broke mine too. You didn't listen to any of my concerns and played with my life without any regard for my wishes and dreams. Do you have any idea how used and manipulated I feel? You're my big sister, Sis. You're the one person in this world that's supposed to look out for me, yet you never did. Never."

"Alianna, you know that isn't true. Wasn't I the one who got you your first modeling gig?"

I look her in the eye and smile in disbelief, "No, Crystal. All you did was bring me with you to one of your premieres. I was scouted and signed without any endorsements from you."

She sighs and waves her hand, "You wouldn't have been there without me, but forget it. That isn't the point. I'm just trying to say that I do try to look out for you in my own way."

I shake my head, "Not everything can always be your way, Sis. You don't get to decide whether I feel like you're there for me."

"So you are mad at me," Her tone is accusatory, and I shake my head in defeat. Why do I even bother?

"Why are you here, Crystal?"

She looks around my office and smiles, "The last time I was here, I was trying on my wedding dress. I didn't even get to wear it in the end."

I grit my teeth and look away. Just thinking about her dress is bittersweet to me. I put so much love and work into her wedding gown, yet wearing it brought me so much pain. Crystal looks at me with an insincere smile on her face.

"I bet it looked beautiful on you, though."

I stare at the design in front of me, unsure how to even reply to that. Just seeing her makes me feel conflicted. It reminds me that every moment I share with Max should've been hers.

"Is she nice to you, Ali? Does she treat you well?"

I look up, hesitating for a moment as I think back to the way she touched me last night.

Guilt unlike anything I've ever felt before hits me hard, and I look away, suddenly feeling sick.

"I'm worried about you. She's a good woman, but I'm worried she'll take her anger at me out on you."

I cross my arms and lean back in my seat, "Max and I have always been friends," I tell her, my voice soft, "That hasn't changed. She's still as nice to me as she's always been."

Something flashes in Crystal's eyes, but it's gone before I can identify it, "That's good. I'm glad."

She looks away, both of us falling silent for a moment. There's so much left unsaid between us, but neither of us has the courage to ask the questions that need to be voiced.

"I know that the Lim's value marriage above almost everything else," she says cautiously, "Max is no different. There's nothing she won't do out of loyalty, regardless of her feelings."

I frown, unsure what she's trying to say.

"I know she still loves me, and she always will, but she's hurting so badly right now that she's pushing me away. I think that, in part, it's because she feels like she has to distance herself from me simply because she's married now. I know she needs me, yet she refuses to let me in because it goes against her beliefs about marriage. I don't want to see her hurting, Ali. I know she's mad at me, and I know I caused a great deal of pain. I want to make up for it, but she won't even take my calls."

I entwine my fingers and squeeze tightly in an attempt to stay calm, even though my thoughts are racing.

"Please, Ali. Tell her to talk to me. I know my request sounds ridiculous, especially because your marriage isn't real. You said it yourself, the two of you are just friends, and considering how much she loves me, it'll never be more than that, but she just... she has such a strong sense of loyalty. Remind her that it's misplaced."

I stare at her for a moment as a wave of disappointment and sorrow washes over me.

"You aren't here to apologize for what you did to me, are you? You're here because you need me to talk to Max on your behalf."

She crosses her arms and sighs.

"Why can't I be here to do both, Alianna? I love both of you, and honestly, this is in your best interests, too. It can't be easy for you to be caught between us. Don't you want things to go back to how they used to be? I'm trying to relieve some of the pressure that this marriage has put on you. I can't take away the countless social obligations you'll have now, but I can be there to support you with everything else. With me to rely on, Max won't expect too much from you, and you won't lose so much of your own life.

After all, eventually, you'll have to go back to it, won't you? You know she doesn't want you. She broke off your engagement to be with me five years ago, and it's still me she wants."

I look into her eyes, my heart breaking as I remember the pain I was put through five years ago. I can't ever go back to how things used to be. My heart won't survive seeing them together again. I can't lose what I've got now.

"No," I tell her, my voice soft, "I won't talk to Max for you. She's not a child, and I'm not a mediator. Don't ask me for more than I've already given you, Crystal, because there's not much left of me to give."

Her eyes widened in surprise, as though she didn't expect me to deny her. I suppose I never have before. I've always given into anything she's asked of me. Always.

But that ends today

------------------------------------