You Know How To Ball · Taylor Swift [EN]

III

"And the worst part is, I know better. I know, I do."

Taylor groaned as she dug into her pizza, shaking her head at the thought, but the words were mostly directed to herself.

She had spent the last 40 minutes rambling, and she could feel Blake's eyes on her, the actress listening intently, but letting her rant away. They were finishing their first bottle of wine now, a Brunello di Montalcino, and Taylor was starting to feel that familiar buzz in her head.

The two of them liked to meet for dinner at least once a month, to catch up, gossip, share a bottle of wine or three, and just generally spend some time together. This time, it was happening at Lucali, in Brooklyn, a large pepperoni pizza spread on the table between them.

"I know I shouldn't get involved with her." She repeated a little more forcefully, as if trying to prove something. "She's a soccer player, that alone is an added level of drama. She's in Europe for games half the year. Not to mention, well, a woman"—at that point, it was impossible to tell if she was listing reasons not to get involved, or reasons why she wanted to.

Either way, Blake continued to eat her slice patiently, watching the singer with a raised brow.

"So why the hell am I so bothered?" Taylor huffed and picked up her wine glass, drinking a mouthful. "We've been talking for barely a few days, and I'm already going crazy. I can't stop thinking about her, it's driving me insane," She ran a hand through her hair. "And it's not just her," Taylor's voice grew frustrated, as if more and more reasons were popping into her mind as she spoke. "It's those... those stupid feelings. I have those stupid, idiotic, annoying feelings for her, and I don't like having them. It's so dumb, I hate it. I know better. After everything with Joe. With- with..." She trailed off, the thought of that idiot bringing a foul taste in her mouth. "But I feel, like, a warm and fuzzy feeling around her all the time. Like that giggly teenager feeling, like when you have a secret crush in fucking high school. It's weird. I haven't felt like that in ages. I've dated, I've... I should be over the whole stupid crush thing. And yet, here I damn am."

She picked up another slice of pizza, taking a rather aggressive bite of it, needing the food in her mouth to keep it occupied.

"Okay, I get it." Blake finally chimed in, her tone neutral as she set down her glass, her eyes watching Taylor intently, a sympathetic but firm look on her face. "Look, Tay, I know." she continued, her voice gentle and understanding. "You're freaked out, but is it so bad? You just came out of a very long and stressful breakup and, uh, whatever happened between you and that shithead."

"Hey, watch it." Taylor responded, although she was unable to hold in the snort. "But that's also the problem. Joe and I just broke up. And then..." She stopped mid-sentence, forcing herself to take a breath. "And then, I actually promised Tree I wouldn't even contact her. So I've got that, and the whole high-profile celebrity thing, and the whole... you know. The whole 'it's a woman' thing, and I should absolutely not be feeling this way because it can't be a thing."

She paused, running a hand through her hair and exhaling again, her brain still whirling with thoughts and feelings. A warm glow flickered over them, the small restaurant with its earthy tones and wooden furniture feeling like a confessional between the two.

"And then," she continued, unable to stop her runaway train of thoughts, "Then there's the 'she's an athlete' issue, she's in a high-profile profession with plenty of pressure, and on top of that, the European time zones are not gonna be easy, which is a whole other level of headache."

"You're really going all out on the reasons to stop, huh?" Blake interjected, her voice still the same calm tone, as Taylor let out another groan and dug into her pizza again. "I'd expect more of a 'but' somewhere in there, but you're really focused on the negatives here."