[The scene cuts to inside Bowser's castle, where Luigi, Chuck and Bomb are led in front of Bowser's throne.]
SNIFIT: We found themin the Dark Lands.
Bowser: (growls)
Luigi: (yelps)
Leonard: Leave them to us. (Kamek undoes Luigi's restraints with his magic and forces him to Bowser.)
Bomb: Luigi!
Chuck: Leave him alone, you-!
[Kamek binds their mouths with magic, shutting them up.]
Bowser: What is your name?
Luigi: Uh... Luigi. (shudders)
Gale: Not sure if you know who we are, but our turtle friend's about to marry a princess and rule the world. (Bowser sharpens the claws on his hands a little in front of Luigi)
Luigi: Wow, uh... (chuckles, unenthusiastically) Yay...
Leonard: But there's one problem, Luigi: there's a human and two birds traveling with his fiancée. Has a mustache, just like you. Do you know them...?
Luigi: (stammers) No! No!
Bowser: Ah, a tough one, I see. Maybe this will get you to talk. (Pulls on a strand of Luigi's mustache.)
Luigi: (sharp gasp, panting, rapidly) Do you think I know every human being with a mustache wearing an identical outfit with a hat with the letter of his first name on it? Because I don't.
[Bowser pulls out the hair.]
Luigi: (shriek)
[Gale grabs Luigi and tugs on his whole mustache.]
Gale: *sternly* Do. You. Know. Them?
Luigi: Gah! STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP! I know them. Yes, I know them. Yeah, the human's my brother, Mario, and he's the best guy in the world. The other two birds are Red and Stella! (starts crying)
[Gale froze at the name she hadn't heard from a long time ago and let go of his mustache, only for Bowser to tug it and demands.]
Bowser: Do princesses find Mario attractive?!
Luigi: They do if they have good taste!
Leonard: Big mistake.
[Bowser furiously rips off a chunk of Luigi's mustache, causing him to scream in pain.]
Bowser: Get 'em outta my sight! (tosses Luigi aside)
[Kamek releases Chuck and Bomb as they went over to Luigi. Gale toughens up.]
Gale: We'll see how tough these Mario, Red and Stella are when they watch us kill his brother and friends.
[Luigi, Chuck and Bomb, now trapped in cages, are dropped down into a dungeon where other prisoners hang suspended over a pool of lava.]
Luigi: (screams, pants, whimpers, quavers)
Chuck; Honestly, this feels like a 0-star hanging hotel. How worse can it get?
Bomb; Uh, what is this place?
LUMALEE: (laughs)
Luigi, Chuck and Bomb: (gasps)
[In another cage, a blue star creature, Lumalee, spins the cage around while laughing.]
LUMALEE: Home.
[The Penguin King sits in yet another cage with two other penguins.]
PENGUIN KING: Pay him no heed. He is cute, but he is... (cuckoo whistle)
LUMALEE: In an insane world, it is the sane who is called crazy.
[Lumalee pulls out a pinwheel and blows it. The propeller pops off and floats away.]
Bomb: So... how long you guys been in here?
[Lumalee begins swinging the cage back and forth.]
LUMALEE: Time, like hope, is an illusion.
PENGUIN KING: Please! We are depressed enough!
Luigi: There's gotta be a way outta here.
LUMALEE: There is no escape. The only hope is the sweet relief of death.
[The prisoners moan in agony]
PENGUIN KING: Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
Luigi: (groans)
[Scene cuts to Mario, Peach, Toad, Red, and Stella approaching the Jungle Kingdom gates.]
Peach: You ready?
Mario: Eh...sure?
[Peach knocks the door, and it opens revealing a Kong roaring, causing Mario, Red, and Toad to scream in fear, and Peach and Stella to lean back]
Toad: (quietly) What?
Mario: How you doin'?
Peach: We are here to see the king.
[The Kong looks down at her with a stern look, which Peach gives one back.]
SPORTS COAT KONG: (snorts) Follow me.
Red: That gorilla's wearin' a sports coat.
Toad: Feel underdressed. (chuckles)
["Take on Me" by A-ha begins to play, as the Kong prepares his kart]
SPORTS COAT KONG: Hop in.
[Mario, Peach, Red, Stella, and Toad get in the kart, and are driven through the Jungle Kingdom.]
Toad: Whoo!
[They are driven to a mountain palace. Inside, Kong soldiers line the hallway leading to the throne of Cranky Kong; "Take on Me" stops playing]
Cranky Kong: Oh, by all means, come in. (The guards tap their weapons in unison. The five walks towards the throne.)
Peach: [takes a bow] Great and mighty Cranky Kong...
Cranky Kong: So, I heard you want my army.
Peach: Yes, your Highness. Without your help, the Mushroom Kingdom will be annihilated.
Cranky Kong: What makes you think you're worthy of fighting alongside the greatest army in the world?
(The guards tap their weapons in unison.)
Peach: Because we have heart. And with your strength... we can win.
Cranky Kong: Okay, fine.
Peach: That's it?
Cranky Kong: No, that's not it. The answer is no. Goodbye.
Red: Hey, Buddy. If the Mushroom Kingdom falls, the Jungle Kingdom is next!
Mario: We're not leavin'... without YOUR ARMY!
Stella: Yeah, what they say!
Cranky Kong: (beat, laughs) Who are these guys? Oh, they make me laugh! (laughs) All right, you three... You want my army so badly? Defeat my son, in the Great Ring of Kong!
(The guards tap their weapons again.)
Peach: Give us a second. (pulls Mario and Red aside, whispers) This is a really, really bad idea!
Mario: (whispering) Well, do you have another way to save my brother?
Red: (whispering) Or our friends?
[Cranky Kong steps in between them.]
Cranky Kong: Are you guys done whispering? It's a little rude.
Mario: You, sir, have a deal. Me, Red and Stella will fight your son and WIN!
Cranky Kong: I'm sure you will. (laughs)
[Cranky Kong is lifted onto a motorcycle by his guards and drives off as Mario glares at him.]
