Lonely (together)

Chapter 1 part 1

Lillian POV

My stomach hurts, I should eat something, but I can't move. I can't open my eyes, I took painkillers, but I still feel the pain come and go in sync with my heartbeat. I have a migraine every month routine, and if i was very stressed every two weeks for four days. That life, right? My phone is buzzing, and it's making me feel sick. Shit, I try to reach the bathroom,just two more steps. Done. Throwing up with tears all over my cheeks. So dizzy, i stayed for fifteen minutes than wash my face. Simple tasks just do it. Return to my bed, then incoming call. Jolly, one of my best friends. Answer, don't. I pick up. "Haaayyy, you didn't answer, are you in?" What she's talking about, her voice makes my head hurt more. "What?" "Damn girl, are you sick?" "No, just woke up." "Great, we're going to celebrate with no occasion, coming right?" "I don't think i feel good. Sorry, Joll," "please? Been while since we've all been free." "Sorry, I can't, my period coming I don't feel very good" , "shit sorry, do you need me to came?" "No i got it, thanks though", "i love you if you need me just text me okay?" "Okay" "promise?" "Promise, have fun".

My phone fell from my hand. My eyes hurt, and I'm so hungry. I set up until I can stand; I walk to the kitchen, pull a water bottle, and drink it. It's Friday, and I have to go work tomorrow. I already took two days off. I eat leftover pasta. Disgusting, since when has this been in the fridge? I went back to sleep. Tomorrow the headache should be less painful.

I woke up with a painful body. Did I kill someone in my past life, and I'm being punished? Already got my period and my stomach hurting; the headache seems gone, but my body is hurting "uugghhh." I need to go to work; I can't skip three days straight. I took some painkillers. Shower, dressing, crying. My chest hurts from crying. It's fine, just a couple hours. I put on concealer; nobody wants to see Banda at work; my hair is already dry. I don't want to wear a lot of makeup so I can sleep faster when I come back. I need coffee or I will die. I have no coffee at home and need to buy it. Put shoes on "just couple hours hold it." I wore comfy pants and a hoodie. It's Jun, but damn, I'm so cold. Live in D.C. and wear hoodies? Crazy.

I work at the newspaper and do nothing at the same time, they don't use what I write but keep me written, stupid. I walk; it's just 20 minutes walking. I could use some fresh air. My head hurts a little, not much, but my body is killing me. I need to find stronger pills.

Slow day, and I hate it. I went to buy some groceries, and I need to eat. I feel like I'm going to faint. I grab grips, strawberries, berries, slices of bread, cereal, milk, pasta, and heavy cream. I need to come back for water and coffee. I opened my apartment door, put them, and went out again to grab coffee and water. I can't make anything at home; I'm so tired, and I can't eat something heavy now. I stopped and think a bit. I just don't know what I want to eat. I give up and go back home. I took a water bottle and went to my room to wash my body, face, and wear panties and a t-shirt. Trying to sleep since I couldn't think of something to eat. I feel a little safe, my tears so hot on my face. My chest hurts so bad. I don't know why I have to live like that; there is no purpose to live now. I graduated college this summer. I moved to a new apartment. I have friends when I never thought I would. But I still feel nothing but pain. I can't even contact people properly without freaking out and want to cry and hide. I still got panic attacks. I still have nightmares. I will never be normal. I've never been one.

Something grabs my hand and covers my mouth; I can't see it, i can't scream. It hurts, but I don't know where.

"Angel, help me." I try to move. I need to help my sister; she's in danger. "Angel, please, it hurts me. Help me." I need to tell her to run. I need to—I wake up in heavy breathing with a little scream. I couldn't help her, and now she's gone. "No, no, no, please," I hug my pillow and cry harder. I need my inhaler. I need it. I can't breathe. I tried to find it, but it's too dark, and I am crying. I opened the flashlight, and I inhaled, one, two. Breath breath. I looked at my phone. It's just 7:18. When did I come home? I only slept two hours. I got up and washed my face. I pull the sheets out; I need to refresh. My bed looks painful on the eyes; I put them in the washing machine. I heated the milk and put cereal. I need something and I can't figure it out. I eat on the couch and I'm still crying. I heard my phone I get up to my room. The girls are going out to have dinner. Unusual. Should I go? I need to go out; it's been three weeks since I got somewhere else, then work and grocery.