Roll the Dice (Jori)

12

TORI

What does it mean to love someone?

All my life, I've never experienced genuine love. Well, besides close friends and family. I could recognize that kind of love.

I'd picture a certain smile, the kind that lights up a room and makes everything feel just a little bit brighter. Is that love? Or maybe it's the way your heart beats a little faster when you hear someone's voice, that subtle shift in the air when they're near. Is it the comfort of their presence? Is it the way their hand feels in yours?

I didn't know. I've totally cheesed out on a lot of guys--some of which I've dated, but it never exactly ended well. There was that one boy in my elementary. He was adorable. He had brown locks and gorgeous eyes. But I didn't exactly consider that to be "love."

There was Danny. Him and I dated at my old school; Sherwood. We went on dates, we enjoyed each other's company, but again--I wouldn't consider it "love." I definitely liked him. But that was it. That was the end of that.

Ryder Daniels was...definitely not "love." I didn't even know what that was. Sure, he was totally hot, but being around him didn't mold well with me. He was too different. Too distant. Our connection wasn't something I'd even consider "liking," especially after he practically took advantage of me to get a good grade. So, that was a pretty dull relationship. A brief fling.

Steven Carson came along. At that point, I figured I was getting pretty close to the whole "love" feeling. I really, really liked him. And better yet, he was a total stud. We dated for three months, until he cheated on me with a famous Webshow girl. It's safe to say that our breakup definitely stung. But then again, did I truly love him? That's what I didn't know.

"Tori," a voice filtered somewhere in my brain.

I imagined the little things; like the way someone would laugh at your dumb jokes, how they'd remember the smallest details about you. Is love in the moments of understanding without words? Or in the way they see you, really see you, when you can't even see yourself? I wondered if love was the times you'd fight and then make up, stronger than before?

"Tori," the voice spoke again.

Love felt so big, so complicated. Maybe it's in the fear of losing someone. Maybe it was the ache in your chest at the mere thought. Or is it in the joy of simply knowing someone exists, that somewhere in the world, there's someone who makes everything make sense, even when nothing does?

"Yoo-hoo. Tori."

My eyes shot up. I glanced at the blond-hair, blue-eyed boy in front of me, who watched me with a comical grin on his face.

Shoot. Aiden.

"Sorry," I uttered, feeling my cheeks warm up. I glanced down at the menu at our table.

The boy laughed. "Lost in your thoughts?"

I swallowed. "Yeah..."

We'd been on our third date. He decided to surprise me with flowers in my hotel room, with a written note mentioning a surprise-date. Even though I pretty much ran out of steam from everything that had happened the past few days; all my thoughts, all the racking-of-my-brain trying to make sense of things, I decided to go. Because I liked him a lot, right?

So, by noon, we strolled around the Strip a little bit, and he took me to corner shops and small tourist areas. We eventually wounded up at some fancy Italian restaurant. I wasn't exactly the hungriest, but I knew I needed to eat. I hadn't had the biggest appetite, which was strange, but I figured it was just premenstrual symptoms or something.