DIE YOUR DAUGHTER ☆ Leif Xavier

1 - Silence

   the bullet tore through my arm in a mangled brush of bone and muscle and blood. "fuck!" i mumbled, ducking farther into the car and holding my forearm.

"you're hit?" the boy asked me. i ignored him, screaming as i use all my strength to rip the bullet free from my arm. he began to panic, mumbling something about why i shouldn't pull it out in his thick scottish accent. i threw him a harsh look. he shut up immediately.

i focused, staring at my arm, bleeding, covering me in blood. i watched as the hole filled with green which slowly pinkened to flesh. "holy shit..." the boy said hushed.

the car took a sharp turn, throwing me against the door. waking me up.

"you're okay. you're okay. you're safe." scott held my head close to his chest as i sobbed.

i sniffled into his soft t-shirt. "did i scream?" i asked, concerned, as i looked up at him. he had a blindfold on instead of his usual glasses. he had been asleep. i hope i didn't wake him up. since i've been back he hasn't been able to sleep much at all.

scott has been amazing. staying up to watch the window, to make me feel safe. people kept saying "its impossible", "he's dead" and "move on." but i never saw a body. i didn't see or feel the blood. i dont think i can ever truly feel safe. at least not if scotts not there.

my room is supposed to be a sanctuary for me. but lately it's been like a prison. my dad doesn't want me to return to classes yet, so i've been locked up in here. it's filled with plants and herbs of all kinds. which in the past would've made this room paradise for someone like me. but now i look at the plants and can only think of.. him. the very material my body can transform into is haunting me now. i need to get him out of my head. or i will die with his ghost possessing my
body.

"you did." scott answered calmly.

i sighed, "i'm sorry—" before i could even finish he shook his head and pulled me even closer.

i feel like i've known him my whole life. before we even met, i was very close with scott's older brother, alex. i think we were soulmates. platonically, of course. it's hard to explain it all. i think about how scott may feel like a replacement often. but he's not. i hope he knows that. he's him. my scotty. alex was just alex. my best friend. the storm to my forest.

i begin to think about the day we met. scott had blewn up my dads favorite tree and i had spent the day (and night) trying to heal it. he brought me some bread and a coffee. my arms stuck in the ground; he fed me, helped me to health, as he poured out apologies and thanked me for covering his ass. i laughed and thanked him. "you'll fit in well here." i had told him. the tree never fully healed. but me and scotts relationship blossomed.

there was a knock at the door and i almost jumped out of my own skin. scott pulled away from the hug to take off his blindfold and sit it on my nightstand. he picked up his glasses and replaced the blindfolds place with them. "come in." he said, not leaving the slight hug we were still in.

the person entered, turning on the lights causing my eyes to sting a bit.

"oh. sorry. am i interrupting something?" the boy spoke and i immediately recognized it. it was tyler. one of my best, and few, friends these past few years. tyler has a beautiful soul. he's kind and tall and gentle, with a big nose and tan skin and puppy dog eyes.

"no. i just had a nightmare is all." i replied, sitting up and pulling away from scott. he almost seemed... disappointed.

tyler chuckled a bit, "jean did too."

it took everything within me not to roll my eyes at that comment.

"but, er, anyways. professor said you can return to classes tomorrow. i tried to convince him to let you start teaching dance again— because you love it so much, and the students do too! or even let you run the lab again with hank. but he said no." tyler explained.

i sighed, "well. i guess that's partial good news." scot smiled a bit and nodded at me. "thank you, ty."

tyler was fidgeting with his hands, picking at a hangnail. 'dont pick' i thought about telling him. but resisted. he seemed like he had more to say.

"what is it, tyler?"

it was quiet for a moment. as he carefully contemplated his next words. "the lab isn't the same without you. me and taylor won't stop arguing and i—" he clears his throat. "i think i'm going to quit."

he looked at me. waiting for me to respond. to beg him not to. but i didn't. after a long silence.. he didn't say anything. he just said goodnight and left.

i cant help but think all of this is my fault. i should've never came back.

"we should get some sleep." scott said. but didn't move to grab his blindfold. i looked up him. his perfect sharp, yet soft, beauty glowing in the subtle moonlight spilling from the windows. the thought crosses my mind to kiss him. but i quickly shake it off.

"yeah." i say quietly. but again. neither of us move. like its a known fact, that we should sleep, that were both ignoring. choosing instead to sit in comforting silence with each other.

but the silence was soon broken. "what happened to you?" he asked. it seemed like he immediately regretted it but couldn't find a way to back out so he doubled down. "in the other universe, what happened to you?"

i though for a minute. about what to tell. how much to tell. do i tell him about my sister? who she would've grown to be. do i tell him about ollie? im sure he doesn't want to hear about how he treated me. not with his arm so protectively draped over my shoulder. "nothing." left my lips before i could stop it.

he looked at me. tilted his head as if today 'bullshit'.

i gave in to his puppy-dog eyes that though i couldn't see i could feel. "i was lonely." i began, "besides my sister."

i look away from him, deciding that staring at a wall would make this easier.

"your sister? nina?" he pressed.

"no. wanda."