We are just boyfriend and girlfriend...

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"It's been eight weeks now, y/n. Since the ordeal with Hydra and with your ex boyfriend." The doctor spoke as she checked on her notes. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm taking it day by day, Dr Raynor." I gently smile, tapping my fingers against the sofa arm.

"That's good." She nods as she writing into her book. "And the nightmares?"

"Every night." I softly spoke, staring at the odd pattern of the rug in front of me and picking at my fingers. Ever since that day when William showed me the video, my nightmares has came back with vengeance and they are not let up any time soon. They are so bad that I'm waking myself awake from screaming. For a while Bucky tried to be there and help me but then his got to him too and now we barely speak, not since his drinking days with Steve has increase. I'm not angry because I get it but now when I try to get close to him or even talk, it's like I am a reminder of what he had to become again, like I made him. We are practically strangers, who share a room. Honestly I can't say much because I was the same until two weeks ago when I decided enough was enough and that I needed the help.

Two weeks sober and I have myself, Natasha and Tony to thank. The drinking kind of helped ease the nightmares but I was finding myself more drunk and ending up in places. So bad infact that Bucky never knew, only Tony and Natasha and that was because of Tony credit card. I didn't care but I was careful enough to not let Wanda see me like that she has enough on her plate now that she is thirty weeks pregnant.

Then one day, Tony pulled me to the side and sat me down. He told me the guilt he felt when he lost his parents, soon after a disagreement with his father and that he went through the spiral of it too. I was shocked to see how much he cared about me, especially with mr drink his emotions but he understands me, even though it wasn't the same but he felt as bad as I felt in losing my father. After that, I broke down and told him everything. Everything with William, my father and then how I killed him, how William showed me. He, Natasha and dr Raynor are the only one who knows the truth.

Tony agreed to become my sponser, that if I have the need to drink that I should call him at anytime of the day and he will help. He even been bring me to his lab and teaching me a few things. It's been helping but I am still struggling. He also agreed with another project that I brought to him. Natasha been help with me, with it too and this past week I've been working hard.

After five successful sessions with dr Raynor within the first week of being sober, I felt that I could conquer something I've been dredging ever since I came back ten years ago, my father's farm. At the beginning of the week, I was able to with Natasha help. A long time ago the bank closed it down due to mine and my father disappears and unfortantly, no one would buy a place when the town spoke about ghost stories and after all this time, it's been abandon, lost over time with nature. It was the same just covered in cobwebs, plants and overgrown fields with a few broken windows and graffiti by local kids having fun and partying. However, I knew it wouldn't take long to get things sorted.

Thanks to Tony, I was able to do a deal with him and tecnically the bank but who's gonna say no to a billionaire, right?

So this week, Natasha and I have been driving down there and give it a little TLC and abit of fresh paint. I'm hoping to be able to put a grave for my father on top of the family hill or maybe a plaque on a bench but right now it my little secret.

"Is the anything else you wanna add?" dr Raynor asks, tapping her pen on the edge of her notebook. I look up to her.

"No, I'm all good." I smiled. 

"You know, this is a safe place."

"Yeah, I'm good, doc." I smile again. "Can I erm... Go? I don't wanna be late for Wanda's baby shower."