I Fell Harder

The End?

I really thought after the message I sent that you'd reply but you didn't and it's okay. Well no, it's not okay but I have to make it okay to eventually be okay. I haven't had an appetite, funny, the thought of never speaking to you makes me not want to eat, I love food, but then again I loved you. Wait no, I love you. Silly me is contemplating going through your repost, that wouldn't be good for me. Repost tell truths that we can't say, your truth might be my heartbreak, well actually your truth is my heartbreak. You don't want this anymore. I'm just sitting here wondering if we're ever gonna speak again? Am I gonna see you before you go? Are you really going to leave without one last look at me? Was I really not that important? No I couldn't have been, you left easy, or did I make it easy to leave? Is this all on me? Am I the problem? I can only blame you for so much but you can only blame me for so much. To really understand each other we'd have to be in each other shoes. This sucks, will you tell me happy birthday? If you don't will I fold and tell you happy birthday? Will you find someone that makes you forget about me? I mean of course not right... right? You couldn't forget me could you? or maybe you could, you definitely could, but you won't, I hope. Do you ever think about what life would be like if we would have just stayed friends? You know pushed the feelings to the side? I mean we couldn't have. We've been here before, we've done this before but are we done this time, Are you really done? You can't be, no you could but you shouldn't be, wait but who am I to tell you that? Silly me, controlling me, at it again. Do you think that if we communicate more we would be here? Do you think about what would have happen if I just left the first time? Did you delete our pictures? of course you did, but you couldn't have right? You don't delete memories unless you truly don't want to see them anymore. Do you not want to see them anymore? You deleted them didn't you? Of course you did. Did you change your passcode? You know we swore we wouldn't do that. I still type it in 50 times a day and most of the time forget it's even your birthday, well until you pop up in my mind. You're there a lot you know, my mind. Do you think I'm jealous of the people around you? Do you think I can't live without you? I'm not jealous and I can live without you, I can, I mean I think I can, well damn.. I hope I can. I don't care about your friends, i mean a little, but it's a cycle you know. You lose them how you get them right? You got me out of us being best friends, and it seems that's how it goes. So yes it scared me, or scares me. NO, scared me. It was like all of a sudden every girl close to you likes someone and needs your help. No No, they liked you. No they didn't, they couldn't, they know about us, wait knew, they knew about us, I forgot they don't care, I mean I would care, oh wait, they're not me. What am I even saying? There's no us. Was there ever? Did you mean everything you said? Are you avoiding us? How's my family? Wait I meant your family, how's your family, I miss them, they helped me through a lot, doesn't matter anymore tho right? Are you pushing me away cause it's so hard to let go? YES of course, but no, why would you do that? You simply didn't want me around anymore, no you definitely want me around, but you don't and that's okay, well no, it's not okay but I have to make it okay to eventually be okay.